I couldn't sleep at all last night and mostly I had difficult child, my situation, and extended family on my mind. I thought it was just more PTSD but there might have been a little intuition mixed in. A couple of weeks ago my mother emailed me saying she wanted to send me a card and asking for a new address if I had one, then saying if she didn't hear from me she would send it to this address I've had. I didn't respond so I got another email from her saying she wouldn't send anything until she did hear from me. I emailed back saying I would be here a couple of more weeks, and asked about her dog. (difficult child and I had gotten her this dog per her request about 5 years ago and she used to mention him in every email but hasn't mentioned him at all in several months so I'm assuming something has happened to him but true to her form, she just won't tell anyone.) So Tues. I get an email from her telling me she'll send me a card that day. This morning I get an email asking if I got the card- I live out of state- unless she'd sent it for overnight delivery there is no way I would have it by first thing this am. Anyway, she also said in the email that she hadn't heard from difficult child and appeared shocked by that. And she wanted his address and wanted to know about his ability to have contact with family members. Now, I had told her he'd been recommitted and she knows what things were like last year when he was in Department of Juvenile Justice before. She never cared about seeing hiim or me and had basicly said we weren't welcome there this summer and when he was released and HE called her, she is the one who said she wanted to get off the phone after about 2 mins. She has no real interest in having a relationship with either of us- everything she does is phoney until she goes into her next mode of acting like she just wants to detach. But she won't really go away. If I try to nudge her to keep on going, she goes into the "I have grandparent's rights" mode and "I'll (she) will start making phone calls and stir up anything I (she) can to have a relationship with my grandson". Really- she's spent a lot more energy in trying to throw me under the bus at both difficult child's and my expense than she has in trying to have a sincere, honest relationship with difficult child. My gut tells me she only wants to write difficult child now to tell him how none of this is her fault, it's mine, and how much she loves him and wishes she could be here and wants to see him soon. Yeah- I've heard it. But, we weren't welcome at her home, she never called or visited him, and honeslty, I could hear her smile over the phone when I told her that because of her and my bro's antics, I couldn't get difficult child any more services- and they send kids who get into trouble straight to Department of Juvenile Justice if they are convinced that the kid doesn't need services- so I do blame her and my bro for this. Wasn't everyone here in agreement from her last email that she just wanted to detach? Then how do I "let" her, push her or whatever else it takes for her to keep on going? She isn't in my son's best interest and the only thing she said to me when I asked about why she was not more in his life but kept wanting me to tell him things like "she hoped to see him soon" was that "she didn't want him thinking she didn't care". Well, hello- if you really don't care enough to be in a person's life in a real way, then shouldn't you be big enough and at least respect the person enough to admit it, own up to it, and leave them alone? What in the world is the point to only do enough to try to convince the person that you care when you really don't? I kept pushing thoughts out of my mind last night that this woman was driven by hatred toward me - that surely no one would sacrafice their grandchild just because they resent their own child. But honestly, I'm starting to think she is this way. I look back over so many times she threw me under the bus as a child, how she told me giving birth to me was a horrid experience, how she put me in a crib and left me screaming for hours on end, she put me in a closet (not a dark one) and told me not to come out until she or my bro told me I could (my father was never home when this happened), she brought her bro there to live with us knowing he'd tried to molest/rape my cousin, she instigated my bro to try to get custody of difficult child, she accused me of trying to starve difficult child as a newborn and told nurses I was doing this even tho she had told me to have an abortion, she told difficult child's GAL that difficult child didn't need any services- that the problem was me, she refused to even speak to my therapist when I was in intensive therapy, ....I could go on and on.....She had all these courts people up here convinced that I was the difficult child and had been all my life- ok, then why is there nothing in a sd record to prove that? Why didn't she take me to a therapist or psychiatrist or any kind of evaluation? Why did she get a dr to put in a pregnancy test like it was hers instead of mine after I told her about the situation with her bro and me? Why were police never told? Why didn't she require her bro to stay in his treatment once he came to live with us? How do I just get her out of my and difficult child's life without instigating her to make 10,000 phone calls and get more koi stirred up? If I stay in this jurisdiction, she knows who to call. If I move out of it she will have to go thru more chains but can find out the jurisdiction- then if she calls them, they are most likely to give her the benefit of the doubt because they won't know the hx of it all and I have to start all over again with a whole new set of people. Re. this morning's email- I responded saying that I had not rec'd the card yet, asked why she thought she would hear from difficult child since I'd told her he was incarcerated and recommitted to Department of Juvenile Justice, and telling her it would be some time before he could have any form of contact because he's currently in processing however, just like last year, if she wanted to send a letter for him, I would forward it once he was allowed to have contact again.