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My Mother arrggghh (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 385148" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Susie you did an awesome job standing your ground. Very proud of you as I'm sure it wasn't easy.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p></p><p>Being the mom of adult difficult children............ Well, I do have to say I see where your Mom is coming from. It sounds as if she really does understand your reasons and may even agree with them. But well, being a Mom.........I dunno..... I know it's hard to me to watch my grown kids be on the outs with each other even though I try to stay out of it, even if there is good reasons for it to be that way. </p><p></p><p>As a Mom you love your kids unconditionally, even as adults, even as adult difficult children. </p><p></p><p>All those years Katie was absent from the family, I had a hole in my heart. Yes the choice was hers, and I did come to terms with that eventually. Did not change the way my Mommy heart felt about it. I can't put into words how it feels to have the family whole again. Yup, it's not a perfect situation by far........but far far better than her and the grands being completely absent from our lives.</p><p></p><p>The times the kids had huge rifts hurt me probably more than it did them. Don't ask me to explain it because I'm not so sure I can. Just that it did. </p><p></p><p>I think perhaps Mom is hoping for a solution by talking it out that can let her enjoy her family as a whole unit. Maybe that's possible, maybe it isn't. I know my Mom feels that way, and I know it hurts her too that I just can't do that with my sibs. Oh, I can do the polite you can visit me thing and pull it off......but there is no closeness there and Mom and I both know it. She knows I do it mostly so that she can have someone bring her to visit. Sad.....but too many years of waaaaaaay too much bad stuff under the bridge. We talked for a long time not long ago. I explained husband and I had moved here to have a better life for our family. And I accomplished that. Awful that it had to be that way, but it did. I think she understands now that she sees how her other grands (most of which are major difficult children) have faired due to being involved in the family compared to my kids who were basically kept away from it.</p><p></p><p>But yeah. I think it still hurts her. </p><p></p><p>But you're right. Your role as a parent comes before your role as her child. I even teach that to my kids........I've drummed it into their heads. </p><p></p><p>Maybe Mom is hoping if she calls your bro on his behavior it will end it. Probably won't, but I wonder if that is what she is hoping. </p><p></p><p>I feel for her..........and you too. </p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 385148, member: 84"] Susie you did an awesome job standing your ground. Very proud of you as I'm sure it wasn't easy.:happy: Being the mom of adult difficult children............ Well, I do have to say I see where your Mom is coming from. It sounds as if she really does understand your reasons and may even agree with them. But well, being a Mom.........I dunno..... I know it's hard to me to watch my grown kids be on the outs with each other even though I try to stay out of it, even if there is good reasons for it to be that way. As a Mom you love your kids unconditionally, even as adults, even as adult difficult children. All those years Katie was absent from the family, I had a hole in my heart. Yes the choice was hers, and I did come to terms with that eventually. Did not change the way my Mommy heart felt about it. I can't put into words how it feels to have the family whole again. Yup, it's not a perfect situation by far........but far far better than her and the grands being completely absent from our lives. The times the kids had huge rifts hurt me probably more than it did them. Don't ask me to explain it because I'm not so sure I can. Just that it did. I think perhaps Mom is hoping for a solution by talking it out that can let her enjoy her family as a whole unit. Maybe that's possible, maybe it isn't. I know my Mom feels that way, and I know it hurts her too that I just can't do that with my sibs. Oh, I can do the polite you can visit me thing and pull it off......but there is no closeness there and Mom and I both know it. She knows I do it mostly so that she can have someone bring her to visit. Sad.....but too many years of waaaaaaay too much bad stuff under the bridge. We talked for a long time not long ago. I explained husband and I had moved here to have a better life for our family. And I accomplished that. Awful that it had to be that way, but it did. I think she understands now that she sees how her other grands (most of which are major difficult children) have faired due to being involved in the family compared to my kids who were basically kept away from it. But yeah. I think it still hurts her. But you're right. Your role as a parent comes before your role as her child. I even teach that to my kids........I've drummed it into their heads. Maybe Mom is hoping if she calls your bro on his behavior it will end it. Probably won't, but I wonder if that is what she is hoping. I feel for her..........and you too. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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