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my mother-long! rant! warning.
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 599216" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Parental approval is something everyone craves, whether they admit it or not. I think it is something encoded in our genes........ That doesn't mean that there doesn't come a point where it is no longer important, that you realize a parent is so unable to live up to their role that they can't give you that, that you can't learn to value yourself for the person you are and seek your approval elsewhere or get to the point where you need no one's approval. </p><p></p><p>My mom is a difficult child. I was raised mostly by my grandmother. I <strong>still</strong> remember the incident that forever turned off that parental need of approval switch. It happened when I was in jr high. It was at that time that those who had been actually parenting me, either actively or by example, stepped up to the plate. Several years ago........mom's view of me began to change. I have no real clue why. But now I get nothing but praise from her. Sad thing is that it just really doesn't much matter to me. Although we have forged a closer relationship in these later years, a totally new one. Long ago I learned to accept her for the person she is, gfgness and all, realizing she was not going to change, I couldn't help or make her change. She is who she is. I was taught to respect her at all times. The rest? It either happened or it didn't. I taught my kids that their grandmother is who she is, much of who she is is tied in with her diagnosis. As much as it might drive us crazy at times, if makes her miserable far more often and she spends her days wondering why.......because even if you explain it she can't quite grasp it. Her perception of the world/relationships is skewed. </p><p></p><p>My sibs are routinely hurt by my mom because they still seek approval that will never truly come. They are only now beginning to see her not just as their mother but for the actual person she is.... It's tough for them. </p><p></p><p>There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from your mother at this point. It may or may not be a permanent situation. Your plate is currently full. You don't need the additional stress. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 599216, member: 84"] Parental approval is something everyone craves, whether they admit it or not. I think it is something encoded in our genes........ That doesn't mean that there doesn't come a point where it is no longer important, that you realize a parent is so unable to live up to their role that they can't give you that, that you can't learn to value yourself for the person you are and seek your approval elsewhere or get to the point where you need no one's approval. My mom is a difficult child. I was raised mostly by my grandmother. I [B]still[/B] remember the incident that forever turned off that parental need of approval switch. It happened when I was in jr high. It was at that time that those who had been actually parenting me, either actively or by example, stepped up to the plate. Several years ago........mom's view of me began to change. I have no real clue why. But now I get nothing but praise from her. Sad thing is that it just really doesn't much matter to me. Although we have forged a closer relationship in these later years, a totally new one. Long ago I learned to accept her for the person she is, gfgness and all, realizing she was not going to change, I couldn't help or make her change. She is who she is. I was taught to respect her at all times. The rest? It either happened or it didn't. I taught my kids that their grandmother is who she is, much of who she is is tied in with her diagnosis. As much as it might drive us crazy at times, if makes her miserable far more often and she spends her days wondering why.......because even if you explain it she can't quite grasp it. Her perception of the world/relationships is skewed. My sibs are routinely hurt by my mom because they still seek approval that will never truly come. They are only now beginning to see her not just as their mother but for the actual person she is.... It's tough for them. There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from your mother at this point. It may or may not be a permanent situation. Your plate is currently full. You don't need the additional stress. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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