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My Mother Really Stinks!
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 105470" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>It was a hard thing for me to realize that I wanted my mom to fit my idea of what she should do and not the reality of who she is. </p><p>At 80 she is a character but at 60 she wasn't so cute. She did the best she knew but dealing with an adult daughter with a difficult child was outside her world of experience. She couldn't offer me much of what I needed. I'd like to believe she tried. </p><p></p><p>The truth is not everyone including family will like our difficult child's or want to spend a lot of time with them. They aren't very likeable sometimes. </p><p>Your loyalty and responsibility is to your child. If granny isn't nice enough to tolerate her politely then you should stay with daughter. </p><p></p><p>If she was a good mom to you then love and respect that part of the relationship. If she isn't so good in the granny dept, then realize her weaknesses. Humans just aren't all good or all bad. We know that from our difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Worrying about appearances is a strange thing but it is also prevalent especially with the older generation. I think it was part of the way they kept kids in line. The idea of shame is not new in the parenting dept. </p><p></p><p>If your mom is not a nice person then keep respectful distance. If your mom is a relationship that works well for you then keep trying to connect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 105470, member: 3"] It was a hard thing for me to realize that I wanted my mom to fit my idea of what she should do and not the reality of who she is. At 80 she is a character but at 60 she wasn't so cute. She did the best she knew but dealing with an adult daughter with a difficult child was outside her world of experience. She couldn't offer me much of what I needed. I'd like to believe she tried. The truth is not everyone including family will like our difficult child's or want to spend a lot of time with them. They aren't very likeable sometimes. Your loyalty and responsibility is to your child. If granny isn't nice enough to tolerate her politely then you should stay with daughter. If she was a good mom to you then love and respect that part of the relationship. If she isn't so good in the granny dept, then realize her weaknesses. Humans just aren't all good or all bad. We know that from our difficult children. Worrying about appearances is a strange thing but it is also prevalent especially with the older generation. I think it was part of the way they kept kids in line. The idea of shame is not new in the parenting dept. If your mom is not a nice person then keep respectful distance. If your mom is a relationship that works well for you then keep trying to connect. [/QUOTE]
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