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my mother-ugh!
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<blockquote data-quote="OTE" data-source="post: 10763"><p>Mine has a lot in common with yours though mine isn't quite as toxic, but controlling, negative, etc...oh yea! Mind you, I'm not complaining because I cut mine off a couple of years ago and my life is much more peaceful (aside from my kids LOL) since.</p><p></p><p>I've found it helpful to think of my mother's behavior in terms of mental illness. When I finally learned what anxiety disorder is the light dawned. Doesn't make it easier to live with day to day but does explain. eg the need to control (the spanking and so forth) is anxiety based. The anxiety that something bad might happen to someone, etc if she doesn't control them. the anxiety that the party might not go well if she doesn't control it, that one of her kids or grandkids might do something embarrassing at the party is controlled by not inviting them, etc, etc. The saddest part, of course, is that she never learned a better way of coping. Mine is exactly the same age and doesn't really believe in mental illness, won't acknowledge that she might have a problem, etc, it's what she learned 70 yrs ago and can't get passed. As a child in the late 20's and 30's this is how she learned to cope with her illness. Everyone around her accomodated it and she never had to change.</p><p></p><p>About the "sorry"... only because the cousin was standing there. Mine is also hugely anxious about how she is perceived outside the house/ family. Her kids are hugely successful..even though she doesn't think I ever was...her grandkids are perfect (ROFLMAO about that), etc, etc. So yes, if someone else is listening her whole tone changes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OTE, post: 10763"] Mine has a lot in common with yours though mine isn't quite as toxic, but controlling, negative, etc...oh yea! Mind you, I'm not complaining because I cut mine off a couple of years ago and my life is much more peaceful (aside from my kids LOL) since. I've found it helpful to think of my mother's behavior in terms of mental illness. When I finally learned what anxiety disorder is the light dawned. Doesn't make it easier to live with day to day but does explain. eg the need to control (the spanking and so forth) is anxiety based. The anxiety that something bad might happen to someone, etc if she doesn't control them. the anxiety that the party might not go well if she doesn't control it, that one of her kids or grandkids might do something embarrassing at the party is controlled by not inviting them, etc, etc. The saddest part, of course, is that she never learned a better way of coping. Mine is exactly the same age and doesn't really believe in mental illness, won't acknowledge that she might have a problem, etc, it's what she learned 70 yrs ago and can't get passed. As a child in the late 20's and 30's this is how she learned to cope with her illness. Everyone around her accomodated it and she never had to change. About the "sorry"... only because the cousin was standing there. Mine is also hugely anxious about how she is perceived outside the house/ family. Her kids are hugely successful..even though she doesn't think I ever was...her grandkids are perfect (ROFLMAO about that), etc, etc. So yes, if someone else is listening her whole tone changes. [/QUOTE]
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