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Substance Abuse
My niece...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 649259" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>That is a great question, what actually is forgiveness? </p><p></p><p>For me, for most of my life I was angry, contemptuous and very critical of my father. And then, every time he acted up, I was able to righteously say, well see, there he goes again, acting like a fool. </p><p></p><p>I never got over being hurt by his behavior. I could actually feel the separate emotions of anger, hurt and being afraid of his anger.</p><p></p><p>After we had our separation, so to speak, for a long time I just felt nothing. I was blank. </p><p></p><p>Then as I worked on myself in Alanon and therapy and reading and journaling etc. My heart started to thaw. My anger went somewhere. I was the only thing that was different and still am.</p><p></p><p>My parents live 11 hours from me. I see them three or four times a year. My dad doesn't really talk on the phone or even answer the phone much. I have to specifically ask for him. And I do sometimes.</p><p></p><p>I have come to understand my father in a whole new way. I don't like his immature behavior at all and now when I am there and he acts out, I just get up and leave the room and stay away for a time. </p><p></p><p>I don't feel a need to change him or ostracize him or do anything but take care of myself when he starts. </p><p></p><p>I do feel compassion for him and I see him as a person who is doing the best he can today. I do love my father and it is a love tinged with sadness. I wish things could have been more or different.</p><p></p><p>I guess I can sum it up by saying my heart feels softer when it comes to him. I am not carrying around a wheelbarrow load of negative stuff anymore when it comes to him. I think I have finally accepted the imperfection of it all. </p><p></p><p>I am very thankful for this because I know the alternative held me back in many ways for a lot of years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 649259, member: 17542"] That is a great question, what actually is forgiveness? For me, for most of my life I was angry, contemptuous and very critical of my father. And then, every time he acted up, I was able to righteously say, well see, there he goes again, acting like a fool. I never got over being hurt by his behavior. I could actually feel the separate emotions of anger, hurt and being afraid of his anger. After we had our separation, so to speak, for a long time I just felt nothing. I was blank. Then as I worked on myself in Alanon and therapy and reading and journaling etc. My heart started to thaw. My anger went somewhere. I was the only thing that was different and still am. My parents live 11 hours from me. I see them three or four times a year. My dad doesn't really talk on the phone or even answer the phone much. I have to specifically ask for him. And I do sometimes. I have come to understand my father in a whole new way. I don't like his immature behavior at all and now when I am there and he acts out, I just get up and leave the room and stay away for a time. I don't feel a need to change him or ostracize him or do anything but take care of myself when he starts. I do feel compassion for him and I see him as a person who is doing the best he can today. I do love my father and it is a love tinged with sadness. I wish things could have been more or different. I guess I can sum it up by saying my heart feels softer when it comes to him. I am not carrying around a wheelbarrow load of negative stuff anymore when it comes to him. I think I have finally accepted the imperfection of it all. I am very thankful for this because I know the alternative held me back in many ways for a lot of years. [/QUOTE]
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