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My Own Man/Cleaning Problems
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419744" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I completely understand what you are saying about love languages and doing thing because you love them. It just isn't a way husband is capable of seeing things. After 20 yrs of marriage (well, 20 in august), I have come to accept that he will NEVER understand what you are saying. He has tried to, but it just leaves him feeling used and bad. </p><p> </p><p>So we get to the point where I say "You have to do this. Period. No reason you cannot and if you don't I am going to treat you liek I do when the kids don't do things. And you will not like it." Things don't usually get to this point, but since my body became defective and won't work we have had to re-figure things out.</p><p> </p><p>I appreciate the ideas and venting, and what you are all saying. But in this specific relationship, we try to not say that "I will want you more if you do more things". THe times we have tried that, even with a therapist helping us explain our points of view to each ohter, it just ends up that we all feel bad because husband just cannot see things that way. </p><p> </p><p>He did a lot of work in the kitchen today while I was sleeping. Not the entire list, but major amounts of work. Now we have to go because I have a doctor appointment to get lab results. what fun. NOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419744, member: 1233"] I completely understand what you are saying about love languages and doing thing because you love them. It just isn't a way husband is capable of seeing things. After 20 yrs of marriage (well, 20 in august), I have come to accept that he will NEVER understand what you are saying. He has tried to, but it just leaves him feeling used and bad. So we get to the point where I say "You have to do this. Period. No reason you cannot and if you don't I am going to treat you liek I do when the kids don't do things. And you will not like it." Things don't usually get to this point, but since my body became defective and won't work we have had to re-figure things out. I appreciate the ideas and venting, and what you are all saying. But in this specific relationship, we try to not say that "I will want you more if you do more things". THe times we have tried that, even with a therapist helping us explain our points of view to each ohter, it just ends up that we all feel bad because husband just cannot see things that way. He did a lot of work in the kitchen today while I was sleeping. Not the entire list, but major amounts of work. Now we have to go because I have a doctor appointment to get lab results. what fun. NOT. [/QUOTE]
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