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My son is a monster
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747285" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">It sounds like you are concerned, one, that his behavior may be your fault, and two, how his behavior is affecting him in the world, by how people respond to him, and then, how difficult it is for you when he is "in his mood."</span></span></p><p></p><p>First, the silver lining:To me, this here is crucial and worth everything. This shows that he is bonded with you, and you with him. How is it that a small child, who deep down "is the sweetest boy a mom can ask for" is a monster?</p><p></p><p>I will respond based upon my own experience. All of us on this forum are united in our distress about how we suffer because of our kids and how they suffer due to their maladaptive, foolish or self-destructive choices. All of us at one point or another feel responsible and wonder if we caused it all. And we feel responsible almost all of us, to fix it all. It takes everybody a very long time to accept that this is not our fault and we cannot even if our kids are very young, such as is your child, fix it.</p><p></p><p>I have come to see that my own reactions, emotions almost always get into the way. There is an objective situation that is hard enough. But when I begin to make up stories about this, how it is my fault, or why did this happen, or what's going to happen in the future...(for example), these stories always make my distress greater, and they do not help to diminish or resolve the problem.</p><p></p><p>From what you write, you are doing everything that a responsible parent can and should do.</p><p></p><p>You describe a child who is sweet and loving, who is greatly loved. In certain circumstances and sometimes, he becomes willful or over-stimulated, and he acts out at home and in school. The most concerning part is his hitting other children and threats to kill. Probably he does not fully understand what he is saying. He is getting a reaction so he keeps saying it. A child his age does not understand what it means to kill, and is not capable of formulating that kind of intent, as far as I know.</p><p></p><p>Is he watching violent TV or viewing or playing violent video games? Has he been exposed to an older child or adult that could have exposed him to something that he cannot handle?</p><p></p><p>Has he been fully checked out by a pediatrician to rule out medical problems? What about auditory testing?</p><p></p><p>Has he seen a child neurologist to rule out any seizure activity or other neurological condition? For example, sometimes, children can be experiencing tiny seizures and this can give rise to these kinds of behaviors.</p><p></p><p>Is there a good regional Children's Hospital near you? You would find a child neurologist there. You will also find a Child Development Department. There you can have him see a Developmental Psychology team. You could request a comprehensive neuropsychiatric exam by a neuropsychologist. He would receive a battery of tests that would evaluate him for any sensory, neurological, intellectual, emotional, developmental factors that could be affecting his functioning or adjustment. He would see a psychiatrist and social worker too. If anybody could get to the root of this, it would be them. An alternative, if there's no Children's Hospital near you would be a University Medical School, if they have a child development department. That's what I did and where I went. To both places. I also found a nursery school program for children with emotional/behavioral issues.</p><p></p><p>Your child is older. He should have an IEP. If this continues, you might consider requesting a non-public school placement where he will be in a smaller classroom, possibly with an aide. School will have to pay for this and transport him. My son had this, too. But you will need to get an advocate to help you. The school districts are compelled to provide what your child needs, but they resist, because this is expensive.</p><p></p><p>What kinds of diagnoses have you gotten so far? I would not necessarily trust them. I would trust more, the diagnoses I got from the Child Development Center. Many parents here have dealt with similar issues with their child. There is no guarantee these behaviors will persist. It is just impossible to know at this point.</p><p></p><p>But the thing you have control over is how you react. This is not your fault. You have not enabled him. You did not cause this. You are a good Mom of a child who is atypical, for reasons that are not yet fully known or fully clear. You are doing everything in your power to find answers. Welcome. We, all of us, know how hard this is. Be kind to yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747285, member: 18958"] [LEFT][FONT=trebuchet ms][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)]It sounds like you are concerned, one, that his behavior may be your fault, and two, how his behavior is affecting him in the world, by how people respond to him, and then, how difficult it is for you when he is "in his mood."[/COLOR][/FONT][/LEFT] First, the silver lining:To me, this here is crucial and worth everything. This shows that he is bonded with you, and you with him. How is it that a small child, who deep down "is the sweetest boy a mom can ask for" is a monster? I will respond based upon my own experience. All of us on this forum are united in our distress about how we suffer because of our kids and how they suffer due to their maladaptive, foolish or self-destructive choices. All of us at one point or another feel responsible and wonder if we caused it all. And we feel responsible almost all of us, to fix it all. It takes everybody a very long time to accept that this is not our fault and we cannot even if our kids are very young, such as is your child, fix it. I have come to see that my own reactions, emotions almost always get into the way. There is an objective situation that is hard enough. But when I begin to make up stories about this, how it is my fault, or why did this happen, or what's going to happen in the future...(for example), these stories always make my distress greater, and they do not help to diminish or resolve the problem. From what you write, you are doing everything that a responsible parent can and should do. You describe a child who is sweet and loving, who is greatly loved. In certain circumstances and sometimes, he becomes willful or over-stimulated, and he acts out at home and in school. The most concerning part is his hitting other children and threats to kill. Probably he does not fully understand what he is saying. He is getting a reaction so he keeps saying it. A child his age does not understand what it means to kill, and is not capable of formulating that kind of intent, as far as I know. Is he watching violent TV or viewing or playing violent video games? Has he been exposed to an older child or adult that could have exposed him to something that he cannot handle? Has he been fully checked out by a pediatrician to rule out medical problems? What about auditory testing? Has he seen a child neurologist to rule out any seizure activity or other neurological condition? For example, sometimes, children can be experiencing tiny seizures and this can give rise to these kinds of behaviors. Is there a good regional Children's Hospital near you? You would find a child neurologist there. You will also find a Child Development Department. There you can have him see a Developmental Psychology team. You could request a comprehensive neuropsychiatric exam by a neuropsychologist. He would receive a battery of tests that would evaluate him for any sensory, neurological, intellectual, emotional, developmental factors that could be affecting his functioning or adjustment. He would see a psychiatrist and social worker too. If anybody could get to the root of this, it would be them. An alternative, if there's no Children's Hospital near you would be a University Medical School, if they have a child development department. That's what I did and where I went. To both places. I also found a nursery school program for children with emotional/behavioral issues. Your child is older. He should have an IEP. If this continues, you might consider requesting a non-public school placement where he will be in a smaller classroom, possibly with an aide. School will have to pay for this and transport him. My son had this, too. But you will need to get an advocate to help you. The school districts are compelled to provide what your child needs, but they resist, because this is expensive. What kinds of diagnoses have you gotten so far? I would not necessarily trust them. I would trust more, the diagnoses I got from the Child Development Center. Many parents here have dealt with similar issues with their child. There is no guarantee these behaviors will persist. It is just impossible to know at this point. But the thing you have control over is how you react. This is not your fault. You have not enabled him. You did not cause this. You are a good Mom of a child who is atypical, for reasons that are not yet fully known or fully clear. You are doing everything in your power to find answers. Welcome. We, all of us, know how hard this is. Be kind to yourself. [/QUOTE]
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