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General Parenting
My Son is a Pedophile....
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<blockquote data-quote="Otto von Bismark" data-source="post: 627325" data-attributes="member: 12905"><p>Thank you all all for your replies. When I saw the first reply come to my inbox, I clicked on it from my phone, but didn't realize that that didn't log me in. I needed to log in for the forumbot to give me further notifications that there were other posts. Due to the nature of the topic, I just assumed that no one replied. Sorry for not commenting earlier.</p><p></p><p>I am awed by the compassion you all have. We don't seem to get the same from therapists. I don't remember if I mentioned in my original thread (linked in this first post) that we were refused by 30 doctors. Not joking. In a way I am grateful, because at these docs were probably just being honest that this kind of thing is something they don't have experience treating. But we called many docs listed on our insurance plan. We found one doctor who treats it, but he never answered his voicemail. I left ten messages over two months, and when I drove to his office to cold-call him, it was closed.</p><p></p><p>I paid around $500 to a developmental pediatrician who ended up seeing us one time to say that she wouldn't take him on and she also had no advice for what to do. We saw a psychiatrist who was very good, who specialized in autism, but she told us at the time that there was no medication for him, other than what she could give him to treat his lack of attention. She has since retired.</p><p></p><p>Just so you know, he is hard to punish, because he does not care about any consequences at all. We have tried all kinds of punishment, restrictions, chores. We have tried redirection (putting his energy into swimming so he would be physically spent), chores, family jigsaw time, we have tried rewards for good behavior (charts, stickers, working toward something he likes. We have tried scare tactics (had him join a police explorer's thing with our local police department, so he could see jail, etc), and explaining what his life will be like if he breaks the law, esp in this way. People hate pedophiles, even ones who never act on their feelings. The positive reinforcements works the best because largely, this child is motivated by things that make him feel good, things that he wants and likes. That's all he thinks about.</p><p></p><p>I actually listened to a podcast on This American Life about pedophilia and there was an expert doctor on there who talked with compassion and reason about this subject....SO I WROTE TO HER.</p><p>She wrote back this weekend asking if she could share our situation with some colleagues. She also said that he doesn't</p><p>sound like a pedophile so much as someone with a degenerative brain disorder which can impact both impulsivity and sexual arousal to young children. Also, rather than putting him in some sort of sex offender treatment (residential or otherwise), it might be better to address the root issue of his seizures and frontal lobe damage – and whatever other neurological issue that might be contributing to his impulsiveness and (possibly) his sexual interest in young boys.</p><p></p><p>If this shows any promise, we should probably get hooked up with a REALLY good neuro.</p><p></p><p>By the way, I also agree that the children in any kind of images he has looked at (a lot were cartoons/anime, and a lot were just naked little boys on pottie seats -- blogging moms should really stop putting pictures of their little nude kids on the internet!), and I agree that children are harmed in the taking of photos/videos, and every viewer for sexual pleasure is taking part in that harming. I am not unwilling to turn my son in, just considering the wisdom of it at this time, esp. if experts can see it as a neurological problem, autism problem as well as a sexual one. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR TIME AND REPLIES. I really need this support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Otto von Bismark, post: 627325, member: 12905"] Thank you all all for your replies. When I saw the first reply come to my inbox, I clicked on it from my phone, but didn't realize that that didn't log me in. I needed to log in for the forumbot to give me further notifications that there were other posts. Due to the nature of the topic, I just assumed that no one replied. Sorry for not commenting earlier. I am awed by the compassion you all have. We don't seem to get the same from therapists. I don't remember if I mentioned in my original thread (linked in this first post) that we were refused by 30 doctors. Not joking. In a way I am grateful, because at these docs were probably just being honest that this kind of thing is something they don't have experience treating. But we called many docs listed on our insurance plan. We found one doctor who treats it, but he never answered his voicemail. I left ten messages over two months, and when I drove to his office to cold-call him, it was closed. I paid around $500 to a developmental pediatrician who ended up seeing us one time to say that she wouldn't take him on and she also had no advice for what to do. We saw a psychiatrist who was very good, who specialized in autism, but she told us at the time that there was no medication for him, other than what she could give him to treat his lack of attention. She has since retired. Just so you know, he is hard to punish, because he does not care about any consequences at all. We have tried all kinds of punishment, restrictions, chores. We have tried redirection (putting his energy into swimming so he would be physically spent), chores, family jigsaw time, we have tried rewards for good behavior (charts, stickers, working toward something he likes. We have tried scare tactics (had him join a police explorer's thing with our local police department, so he could see jail, etc), and explaining what his life will be like if he breaks the law, esp in this way. People hate pedophiles, even ones who never act on their feelings. The positive reinforcements works the best because largely, this child is motivated by things that make him feel good, things that he wants and likes. That's all he thinks about. I actually listened to a podcast on This American Life about pedophilia and there was an expert doctor on there who talked with compassion and reason about this subject....SO I WROTE TO HER. She wrote back this weekend asking if she could share our situation with some colleagues. She also said that he doesn't sound like a pedophile so much as someone with a degenerative brain disorder which can impact both impulsivity and sexual arousal to young children. Also, rather than putting him in some sort of sex offender treatment (residential or otherwise), it might be better to address the root issue of his seizures and frontal lobe damage – and whatever other neurological issue that might be contributing to his impulsiveness and (possibly) his sexual interest in young boys. If this shows any promise, we should probably get hooked up with a REALLY good neuro. By the way, I also agree that the children in any kind of images he has looked at (a lot were cartoons/anime, and a lot were just naked little boys on pottie seats -- blogging moms should really stop putting pictures of their little nude kids on the internet!), and I agree that children are harmed in the taking of photos/videos, and every viewer for sexual pleasure is taking part in that harming. I am not unwilling to turn my son in, just considering the wisdom of it at this time, esp. if experts can see it as a neurological problem, autism problem as well as a sexual one. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR TIME AND REPLIES. I really need this support. [/QUOTE]
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