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My son is apparently gone ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 396607" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I just wanted to add my .02 cents about a 15 year old run-away and.....</p><p> </p><p>First of all - To test him for drugs will possibly confirm some suspicions - but then what? Force him into rehab? If he goes you have a chance (albeit one) that he gets there, hears what someone has to say about drugs ruining his life, being bad and he commits to quittings, stays strong, and is released does NOT get back into old habits, but mostly WANTS to quit. Best case scenario - he WANTS to quit, stays away from peer pressure, and goes back to the loving son you knew. </p><p> </p><p>As far as texting him that you love him, you miss him - you're there for him when he's blatenly disobeyed and you had to have police at your home? Oh NO - BAD MOVE FOR NEXT TIME. Next time? Yup next time. This was dress rehersal for "I will do what I want, when I want and you can't do anything about it." - IF you persist in "chasing" behavior? He will eat you alive. If you act as if you don't care where he is? You truly have a better chance of him coming home humble wondering WHY you didn't SEEK HIM OUT at all costs - call out the Coast Guard, the POLICE - the SWAT team...TRUST me - WE made the same mistakes - out in our cars, our vans, calling the police, all his friends - and the parent of his friend KNEW he was at her house and LIED - it was awful - she was an enabler - and the SECOND time? I didn't play - I called the cop every day - reported him missing - and then sent them TO HER HOUSE - where they surrounded the house and gave her 1 minute to either put him out - or they would bust in (no joke) and arrest her for harboring. </p><p> </p><p>HOWEVER - The second time the police brought him back - he ran away AGAIN - and we made yet another report - and the police soon tired of going to the friends house - but this time he hid and went to school - so we were called to school. But we had a plan in place for PLACEMENT. Was it a good plan? (Shrug) It was a plan to give our house a time to settle - and to give HIM a chance to see that we would and could survive without him and if he WANTED to live with kids whose parents did NOT want them, love them or care about them - HERE YA GO - and off we went, dropped him literally at the door with a bag of clothes and did NOT call or visit for a month. - IT.KILLED.ME. But I did it for him. He left there with a slightly better attitude. He also left there with a lot of horror stories of other kids who REALLY had to run away from home. But our therapist said if we had chased him? He owned us. AND we needed a break - so having a plan in place for his "return" was wonderful break - that and he told the school I beat him, burned his books, and threw away his clothes. - You don't know me but I'm a big woman- I boxed when I was younger, If I hit you? You'd know it - and you wouldn't show up to school or anywhere else with no black eyes. I also handed the school principal his books and came to school with nearly a bag full of nice clothes. (you know the not burned ones) -----so yeah - I'm awful. </p><p> </p><p>I wish you the best. I also hope you and your husband get into therapy to learn some upper hand strategy for dealing with this person. teens are hard enough. Troubled teens? Ewwwwww Yeah - Any help you can get from a professional? TAKE IT. You will need it to stay a foot ahead. Trust us on that point. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 396607, member: 4964"] I just wanted to add my .02 cents about a 15 year old run-away and..... First of all - To test him for drugs will possibly confirm some suspicions - but then what? Force him into rehab? If he goes you have a chance (albeit one) that he gets there, hears what someone has to say about drugs ruining his life, being bad and he commits to quittings, stays strong, and is released does NOT get back into old habits, but mostly WANTS to quit. Best case scenario - he WANTS to quit, stays away from peer pressure, and goes back to the loving son you knew. As far as texting him that you love him, you miss him - you're there for him when he's blatenly disobeyed and you had to have police at your home? Oh NO - BAD MOVE FOR NEXT TIME. Next time? Yup next time. This was dress rehersal for "I will do what I want, when I want and you can't do anything about it." - IF you persist in "chasing" behavior? He will eat you alive. If you act as if you don't care where he is? You truly have a better chance of him coming home humble wondering WHY you didn't SEEK HIM OUT at all costs - call out the Coast Guard, the POLICE - the SWAT team...TRUST me - WE made the same mistakes - out in our cars, our vans, calling the police, all his friends - and the parent of his friend KNEW he was at her house and LIED - it was awful - she was an enabler - and the SECOND time? I didn't play - I called the cop every day - reported him missing - and then sent them TO HER HOUSE - where they surrounded the house and gave her 1 minute to either put him out - or they would bust in (no joke) and arrest her for harboring. HOWEVER - The second time the police brought him back - he ran away AGAIN - and we made yet another report - and the police soon tired of going to the friends house - but this time he hid and went to school - so we were called to school. But we had a plan in place for PLACEMENT. Was it a good plan? (Shrug) It was a plan to give our house a time to settle - and to give HIM a chance to see that we would and could survive without him and if he WANTED to live with kids whose parents did NOT want them, love them or care about them - HERE YA GO - and off we went, dropped him literally at the door with a bag of clothes and did NOT call or visit for a month. - IT.KILLED.ME. But I did it for him. He left there with a slightly better attitude. He also left there with a lot of horror stories of other kids who REALLY had to run away from home. But our therapist said if we had chased him? He owned us. AND we needed a break - so having a plan in place for his "return" was wonderful break - that and he told the school I beat him, burned his books, and threw away his clothes. - You don't know me but I'm a big woman- I boxed when I was younger, If I hit you? You'd know it - and you wouldn't show up to school or anywhere else with no black eyes. I also handed the school principal his books and came to school with nearly a bag full of nice clothes. (you know the not burned ones) -----so yeah - I'm awful. I wish you the best. I also hope you and your husband get into therapy to learn some upper hand strategy for dealing with this person. teens are hard enough. Troubled teens? Ewwwwww Yeah - Any help you can get from a professional? TAKE IT. You will need it to stay a foot ahead. Trust us on that point. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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