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My son is apparently gone ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 397445" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Over here, it has been the custom for decades for the birth mother to write a letter to the baby when relinquishing. Of course it doesn't always happen, but it does help. About the same time we had easy child 2/difficult child 2 (a little before, actually) a friend of my sister's was finally given a baby she had been wanting for years. They were borderline too old to adopt, but they had fought a very public fight with officials over that and finally the media pressure won. That little girl was doted on, given everything she could have wanted, loved utterly by her adoptive parents. She has grown up having every possible advantage, going to the best schools. She nearly went off the rails for a while in her teens but is doing really well now. We got the cast-offs for easy child 2/difficult child 2 who, for a while, was the best-dressed baby in the day care centre!</p><p></p><p>The baby's bio-mum wrote a lovely letter to her baby. I didn't see it but I was told about it, the letter described how she was still a child herself, barely 15, she had good parents but had gone too far with her boyfriend and got pregnant; would have loved to keep her baby but knew the baby would be better off with parents who could give her what she needed. The letter was anonymous (required by the agency) but the files were beginning to be left sufficiently open, so that if both parties wanted to meet later on, they could. I don't know if that has happened with this little girl - I know her adoptive parents would be supportive. The girl has always known she was adopted, and known just how desperately her adoptive mother wanted a baby. Her time going off the rails was, I think, primarily pampered princess rather than adopted kid.</p><p></p><p>I've heard of other adopted kids and letters from bio-parents. I think it's a marvellous idea to make such a thing possible.</p><p></p><p>When my sister adopted her kids, she never told them. In those days it was fairly common to adopt kids and raise them as your own and never tell them. But when her wayward son was in his teens and running away from home, she finally told him in a fit of temper and frustration. It was a shock, but as he hated his adoptive father, he said he was relieved and glad to know. So she told her other adopted child soon after - she was in her teens too. Again, she was glad to know. She did consider looking for her bio-family, but with both those kids we know that the baby in each case was neglected and abused, so they haven't really wanted to open that Pandora's box.</p><p></p><p>I had an uncle who was adopted, I remember being told. My mother also told me that he once said, "If I'm adopted, don't ever tell me, I don't want to know." I thought that was an unusual thing to say. From what we have worked out now (long after my mother's death, long after my uncle's death) - my uncle was actually the natural son of his adoptive father. We think it was possibly a surrogacy arrangement, but back in WWI times. He served in WWII but was in his teens.</p><p>There are more strange things in heaven and earth, Horatio...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 397445, member: 1991"] Over here, it has been the custom for decades for the birth mother to write a letter to the baby when relinquishing. Of course it doesn't always happen, but it does help. About the same time we had easy child 2/difficult child 2 (a little before, actually) a friend of my sister's was finally given a baby she had been wanting for years. They were borderline too old to adopt, but they had fought a very public fight with officials over that and finally the media pressure won. That little girl was doted on, given everything she could have wanted, loved utterly by her adoptive parents. She has grown up having every possible advantage, going to the best schools. She nearly went off the rails for a while in her teens but is doing really well now. We got the cast-offs for easy child 2/difficult child 2 who, for a while, was the best-dressed baby in the day care centre! The baby's bio-mum wrote a lovely letter to her baby. I didn't see it but I was told about it, the letter described how she was still a child herself, barely 15, she had good parents but had gone too far with her boyfriend and got pregnant; would have loved to keep her baby but knew the baby would be better off with parents who could give her what she needed. The letter was anonymous (required by the agency) but the files were beginning to be left sufficiently open, so that if both parties wanted to meet later on, they could. I don't know if that has happened with this little girl - I know her adoptive parents would be supportive. The girl has always known she was adopted, and known just how desperately her adoptive mother wanted a baby. Her time going off the rails was, I think, primarily pampered princess rather than adopted kid. I've heard of other adopted kids and letters from bio-parents. I think it's a marvellous idea to make such a thing possible. When my sister adopted her kids, she never told them. In those days it was fairly common to adopt kids and raise them as your own and never tell them. But when her wayward son was in his teens and running away from home, she finally told him in a fit of temper and frustration. It was a shock, but as he hated his adoptive father, he said he was relieved and glad to know. So she told her other adopted child soon after - she was in her teens too. Again, she was glad to know. She did consider looking for her bio-family, but with both those kids we know that the baby in each case was neglected and abused, so they haven't really wanted to open that Pandora's box. I had an uncle who was adopted, I remember being told. My mother also told me that he once said, "If I'm adopted, don't ever tell me, I don't want to know." I thought that was an unusual thing to say. From what we have worked out now (long after my mother's death, long after my uncle's death) - my uncle was actually the natural son of his adoptive father. We think it was possibly a surrogacy arrangement, but back in WWI times. He served in WWII but was in his teens. There are more strange things in heaven and earth, Horatio... Marg [/QUOTE]
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My son is apparently gone ...
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