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My son is apparently gone ...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 397538"><p>Star - thanks for sharing more of your story. We started using adoption language when our kids were babies, so they literally always knew they were adopted. I think for a while they thought that was the main way to build a family.</p><p></p><p>When my son was about 8 he came home one day and said "You are not my real mother". My stomach did a flip but I kept calm and said oh yea, I think I am pretty real. I am not fake. I am not made of rubber. He said I kind of have two mothers, you and my birthmother. I said yes that is right and both of us are real. Everybody is real in adoption, no one is fake. It kind of became a joke after that, whether i was "real" or not. I did ask him a couple of days later why he brought that up... and he told me one of his friends had told him if you are adopted, then the person you call mom is not your real mother!! I called up that boys mother and tried to just let her know maybe it was time to try and use better language around adoption. She was very defensive and i quickly dropped it. It bugged me though.</p><p></p><p>Anyway I do think it helps that people are more open about adoption now a days, and I think in most cases kids are told very very early, so there is no one event where you are sat down and explained to that you are adopted. I think that would be very very hard to have that happen as a child or as a teenage. </p><p></p><p>But I think even with the increased openess, adoption still carries loss with it that often people don't realize.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 397538"] Star - thanks for sharing more of your story. We started using adoption language when our kids were babies, so they literally always knew they were adopted. I think for a while they thought that was the main way to build a family. When my son was about 8 he came home one day and said "You are not my real mother". My stomach did a flip but I kept calm and said oh yea, I think I am pretty real. I am not fake. I am not made of rubber. He said I kind of have two mothers, you and my birthmother. I said yes that is right and both of us are real. Everybody is real in adoption, no one is fake. It kind of became a joke after that, whether i was "real" or not. I did ask him a couple of days later why he brought that up... and he told me one of his friends had told him if you are adopted, then the person you call mom is not your real mother!! I called up that boys mother and tried to just let her know maybe it was time to try and use better language around adoption. She was very defensive and i quickly dropped it. It bugged me though. Anyway I do think it helps that people are more open about adoption now a days, and I think in most cases kids are told very very early, so there is no one event where you are sat down and explained to that you are adopted. I think that would be very very hard to have that happen as a child or as a teenage. But I think even with the increased openess, adoption still carries loss with it that often people don't realize. [/QUOTE]
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