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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 694895" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with COM. its not personal to us if they don't do things we wish they'd do. Its about them only, not us. I would not try to control his decisions too much or keep telling him you'll throw him out if he doesn't do this or that. if it were my kid...a few basic rules...you must work, no drugs (for me I'm not sure td worry about the pot, but your house/your rules), be relatively clean about the house and no disrespect on a big level.</p><p></p><p>To try to make him do everything you want him to do or you will throw him out, in my opinion is too controllung to him and too exhausting for you. Make the decision that he will be able to stay with you unless he breaks a few rules a lot of times or make him leave.Please dont hold it over hus head every time he hurts you. People like you and I are easily hurt ( I am much better now, but I have to watch myself) .IIt is never a good decision if it is made strictly by our feelings and not our logic.</p><p></p><p>Youir son is never going to be everything you wished for. None of our kids ever are. I know of extremely thriving, nice adult kids whose parents fret because they moved across the globe for good jobs, their grands barely know them, their kids work a lot and rarely call them. Or their thriving child lives a mile away and is busy with the family and the mother barely can see her or him or the grands. This happens a lot. in the end, we must live our own lives. Our adult children grow up and we need to keep griwing too. in my opinion you pay too much attention and talk too much to an adult child who is a man.He will not do everything you want him to do. You must let it go unless he us sitting in front of thr TV all day, eating and leaving dirty dishes all over, calling you names and breaking your things. Or stealing and shooting heroin.</p><p></p><p>You will both go nuts if you try to force him to do everything you want him to do. If you must constantly talk at him about what he should be doing, in my opinion it's best for both of you if he moves out. in my opinion hes in or out. He shouldnt worry that everything will land him in the street. That IS stressful And you should never ever feel you need to quit your job or even cut your hours to babysit for a grown man, troubled or not. And you make the decision, based on what you want for yourself, not based on what M. wants or thinks or not because you feel your son needs a sitter. What do YOU want? I wonder sometimes if M is threatened by your working success. It can be challenging to many men when the woman he loves is more successful than he is that way. That doesnt make him a bad person, but it could make him feel lesser than. That should not be why you quit either. He knew who you are when he signed up</p><p></p><p>Remember those days in bed? You have come so far. Working seniors, like you and me, are healthier than those who retire and do very little. Haha, this is proven scientifically. I read in Time Magazine's special addition about The Science of Happiness. Its a great special edition. Out now. $16.00 but worth every dime.</p><p></p><p>Copa dear, your son may have challenges and not all adult children do, but he's still a man who is not going to do everything you ask of him. None of them do. Personalizing all his decisions hurts both of you. Let go of his choices and his final outcome. You can't write his story and most, if not all of his choices, are about him, not you.</p><p></p><p>Let it go.</p><p></p><p>Dont worry, be happy.</p><p></p><p>Live your life and let him live his.</p><p></p><p>Or both of you will get crazy.</p><p>Do buy or go to library and reaf Time Magazine's, The Science of Happiness. It is my new Bible. I think you'll enjoy it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Big hugs to a warrior mom plus!!! Honestly, you raised your son right. He already knows what to do. Now its up to him, not you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 694895, member: 1550"] I agree with COM. its not personal to us if they don't do things we wish they'd do. Its about them only, not us. I would not try to control his decisions too much or keep telling him you'll throw him out if he doesn't do this or that. if it were my kid...a few basic rules...you must work, no drugs (for me I'm not sure td worry about the pot, but your house/your rules), be relatively clean about the house and no disrespect on a big level. To try to make him do everything you want him to do or you will throw him out, in my opinion is too controllung to him and too exhausting for you. Make the decision that he will be able to stay with you unless he breaks a few rules a lot of times or make him leave.Please dont hold it over hus head every time he hurts you. People like you and I are easily hurt ( I am much better now, but I have to watch myself) .IIt is never a good decision if it is made strictly by our feelings and not our logic. Youir son is never going to be everything you wished for. None of our kids ever are. I know of extremely thriving, nice adult kids whose parents fret because they moved across the globe for good jobs, their grands barely know them, their kids work a lot and rarely call them. Or their thriving child lives a mile away and is busy with the family and the mother barely can see her or him or the grands. This happens a lot. in the end, we must live our own lives. Our adult children grow up and we need to keep griwing too. in my opinion you pay too much attention and talk too much to an adult child who is a man.He will not do everything you want him to do. You must let it go unless he us sitting in front of thr TV all day, eating and leaving dirty dishes all over, calling you names and breaking your things. Or stealing and shooting heroin. You will both go nuts if you try to force him to do everything you want him to do. If you must constantly talk at him about what he should be doing, in my opinion it's best for both of you if he moves out. in my opinion hes in or out. He shouldnt worry that everything will land him in the street. That IS stressful And you should never ever feel you need to quit your job or even cut your hours to babysit for a grown man, troubled or not. And you make the decision, based on what you want for yourself, not based on what M. wants or thinks or not because you feel your son needs a sitter. What do YOU want? I wonder sometimes if M is threatened by your working success. It can be challenging to many men when the woman he loves is more successful than he is that way. That doesnt make him a bad person, but it could make him feel lesser than. That should not be why you quit either. He knew who you are when he signed up Remember those days in bed? You have come so far. Working seniors, like you and me, are healthier than those who retire and do very little. Haha, this is proven scientifically. I read in Time Magazine's special addition about The Science of Happiness. Its a great special edition. Out now. $16.00 but worth every dime. Copa dear, your son may have challenges and not all adult children do, but he's still a man who is not going to do everything you ask of him. None of them do. Personalizing all his decisions hurts both of you. Let go of his choices and his final outcome. You can't write his story and most, if not all of his choices, are about him, not you. Let it go. Dont worry, be happy. Live your life and let him live his. Or both of you will get crazy. Do buy or go to library and reaf Time Magazine's, The Science of Happiness. It is my new Bible. I think you'll enjoy it. Big hugs to a warrior mom plus!!! Honestly, you raised your son right. He already knows what to do. Now its up to him, not you. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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