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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 701859" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I am still criticized by close family members for my detachment from my child. I do not discuss his life with them, he likes to post on FB and then I start getting the emails and calls that my child is crying out for help, what kind of mother am I to abandon him? I ignore them as much as I can, it has caused me to distance myself from some close family members. Let them open their doors to him, fork over money, constant drama.....</p><p></p><p>My child started drugs early, I know he has ADD and other undiagnosed illnesses. I did have him tested, he was in a behavioral center for 3 weeks for testing, but, back then even less was known about mental and behavioral problems.</p><p></p><p>Still, I have seen and talked to him when he was clean and sober and he was a totally different person SO I'm not sure how much of his mental, behavior is actually cause by the drugs. No one does!!!</p><p></p><p>My child was driving me insane, literally! I was extremely close to a mental breakdown and I am surprised it did not cause me my job.</p><p></p><p>I also felt demoralized when I went through the all day process to visit in jail, also the all day process when he was released. The money I have spend on programs and legal fees would have paid for a very expensive education. I did that too lol!</p><p></p><p>My child was court ordered in to programs twice and I made the round trip each Saturday for a 2 hour visit. With traffic, sometimes 3 hours there and 3 hours home again.</p><p></p><p>The last program he decided to walk out and was sentenced to six more months. He lied and said he thought he was released. Without paperwork? He's not that dumb. In fact, he has an extremely high IQ and is very manipulative.</p><p></p><p>I jumped through hoops to get him treatment and to visit him. So what does he remember? Six months ago he sent me a nasty message saying I abandoned him while he was in treatment and moved without letting him know where I was.</p><p></p><p>This did not happen! But, it did let me know that all of my efforts were not appreciated. It's not that I expected appreciation of any kind, I love him and want him well. It just hurts to have them tell you how you abandoned and never loved them.</p><p></p><p>Only a parent or guardian raising a child with illness and addiction problems can truly understand our frustrations. I wish I had been able to detach sooner than I did. I also wish I could say detachment cured my child, it has helped him more than our relationship was in the past.</p><p></p><p>I can definitely say it has helped me. There is only so much a person can do to help someone. Sometimes, the best thing is to step back and let them take care of themselves. It's a much different situation with a rebellious teen, they are adults now. </p><p></p><p>I know it's hard and I know it hurts.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs and blessings)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 701859, member: 13558"] I am still criticized by close family members for my detachment from my child. I do not discuss his life with them, he likes to post on FB and then I start getting the emails and calls that my child is crying out for help, what kind of mother am I to abandon him? I ignore them as much as I can, it has caused me to distance myself from some close family members. Let them open their doors to him, fork over money, constant drama..... My child started drugs early, I know he has ADD and other undiagnosed illnesses. I did have him tested, he was in a behavioral center for 3 weeks for testing, but, back then even less was known about mental and behavioral problems. Still, I have seen and talked to him when he was clean and sober and he was a totally different person SO I'm not sure how much of his mental, behavior is actually cause by the drugs. No one does!!! My child was driving me insane, literally! I was extremely close to a mental breakdown and I am surprised it did not cause me my job. I also felt demoralized when I went through the all day process to visit in jail, also the all day process when he was released. The money I have spend on programs and legal fees would have paid for a very expensive education. I did that too lol! My child was court ordered in to programs twice and I made the round trip each Saturday for a 2 hour visit. With traffic, sometimes 3 hours there and 3 hours home again. The last program he decided to walk out and was sentenced to six more months. He lied and said he thought he was released. Without paperwork? He's not that dumb. In fact, he has an extremely high IQ and is very manipulative. I jumped through hoops to get him treatment and to visit him. So what does he remember? Six months ago he sent me a nasty message saying I abandoned him while he was in treatment and moved without letting him know where I was. This did not happen! But, it did let me know that all of my efforts were not appreciated. It's not that I expected appreciation of any kind, I love him and want him well. It just hurts to have them tell you how you abandoned and never loved them. Only a parent or guardian raising a child with illness and addiction problems can truly understand our frustrations. I wish I had been able to detach sooner than I did. I also wish I could say detachment cured my child, it has helped him more than our relationship was in the past. I can definitely say it has helped me. There is only so much a person can do to help someone. Sometimes, the best thing is to step back and let them take care of themselves. It's a much different situation with a rebellious teen, they are adults now. I know it's hard and I know it hurts. (((hugs and blessings))) [/QUOTE]
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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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