Hi Mybleedingheart, again welcome, and so sorry for what brings you here. It is tough when our kids go from troubled teens, to troubled adults. We just sort of segway into trying everything we can to help them launch. We love them and want the best for them. I think, too, we are so used to neglecting ourselves for the kids wants and needs, we just continue as is without even realizing it.
Seven years is a long time. There comes a point where we all have felt this way. I think part of it is the frustration of it all, then the realization that we will not be on this earth forever to care for our adult child's needs. They have to learn to fend for themselves, even more so if we try to help and they are disrespectful.
There are many others here who have been through similar things Heart, just like you. Myself, included. You have come to a good place to share your story and hear from folks who are on this journey but at different places along the path.
Our kids that grow up and fail to launch into the world have a way of blaming everyone for their difficulties. Unfortunately, we moms are many times targeted. I think it is because the kids do not have to see their own shortcomings, while they are faulting others.
What helped me was to come here and read, then post and sort through the advice given. I decided to detach, although it was hard, it was the solution that I agreed with, because I was trying and trying to help my two, for years. They began to think that it was my duty as a mother to "rescue" them from their choices. I found that I was giving up my life and time more and more, they appreciated it less and less, then became insulting and disrespectful on top of it all! So began my journey to try something different and to try to change this pattern that I had gotten into. It really wasn't about trying to change them anymore, Lord knows I tried. It was about changing myself and how I responded to them. It is a work in progress as it has been six months now. My home is more stable. My life is getting better, I am slowly building myself up.
It is good that you are here, Heart. Kind folks will share their stories and offer advice, then you figure out what works for you.
Disrespect of ones parent is unacceptable. The line needs to be drawn by someone, and that evidently will not be our kids. They will just continue to take and take, if we allow them to.
You have value and you matter Heart. You deserve to have peace in your life, and to be treated with kindness and appreciation.
Please take care, and see a doctor for that bleeding. That is not good.....
(((Hugs)))
leafy
