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My son left home today
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 739313" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>February - sorry that you are going through this. It is not what any of us signed up for.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter is also homeless at the moment (living in her boyfriend's car/tent). So many images of what could go wrong fill my brain. She has been traveling the world without a care for the past 4 years - most of it with the financial assistance of us, friends and even strangers. She knows of all the resources, should she not be able to secure what she wants by manipulation. These kids can be more resourceful than we think. My husband and I have come out of the FOG and no longer support her for housing or money. We know how heartbreaking having your child on the street can be but if your son hasn't figured out a plan by now, he never will. Enabling the behavior will not help. You deserve the ability to enjoy your later years in peace and serenity.</p><p></p><p>SWOT's self-declaration of her (amazing) journey is proof that there is hope and a positive path, if our children want to take it. Some can and will but others will struggle for the rest of their lives. I find I have to always picture my daughter as an "adult". If I continue to think of her as the "cute little baby or toddler", then I fall back into my FOG ways. These children are adults. With adult choices comes adult responsibilities - they own them, just as we own ours.</p><p></p><p></p><p>We found this out but long after giving thousands of dollars in 'bail outs', apartment damage deposits/rent, bus fare, electronic devices/phones, etc. </p><p></p><p></p><p>We are at retirement age now and every day for us is precious. Our ultimate wish for our 2 children is that they will be independent. One has figured it out. The other has a long way to go.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Our daughter is still getting assistance from others but not from us. One day the pot of gold will disappear and she will need to figure things out for herself. She hasn't asked for money from us in several months (she knows what the answer will be).</p><p></p><p></p><p>RN is so right on here. Self-care is so critical and maintaining your marriage is top priority. Stop the guilt. You are entitled to enjoy life. Go and do it!</p><p></p><p>Stay close to the forum - post often. It really helps.</p><p></p><p>{Hugs}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 739313, member: 355"] February - sorry that you are going through this. It is not what any of us signed up for. Our daughter is also homeless at the moment (living in her boyfriend's car/tent). So many images of what could go wrong fill my brain. She has been traveling the world without a care for the past 4 years - most of it with the financial assistance of us, friends and even strangers. She knows of all the resources, should she not be able to secure what she wants by manipulation. These kids can be more resourceful than we think. My husband and I have come out of the FOG and no longer support her for housing or money. We know how heartbreaking having your child on the street can be but if your son hasn't figured out a plan by now, he never will. Enabling the behavior will not help. You deserve the ability to enjoy your later years in peace and serenity. SWOT's self-declaration of her (amazing) journey is proof that there is hope and a positive path, if our children want to take it. Some can and will but others will struggle for the rest of their lives. I find I have to always picture my daughter as an "adult". If I continue to think of her as the "cute little baby or toddler", then I fall back into my FOG ways. These children are adults. With adult choices comes adult responsibilities - they own them, just as we own ours. We found this out but long after giving thousands of dollars in 'bail outs', apartment damage deposits/rent, bus fare, electronic devices/phones, etc. We are at retirement age now and every day for us is precious. Our ultimate wish for our 2 children is that they will be independent. One has figured it out. The other has a long way to go. Our daughter is still getting assistance from others but not from us. One day the pot of gold will disappear and she will need to figure things out for herself. She hasn't asked for money from us in several months (she knows what the answer will be). RN is so right on here. Self-care is so critical and maintaining your marriage is top priority. Stop the guilt. You are entitled to enjoy life. Go and do it! Stay close to the forum - post often. It really helps. {Hugs} [/QUOTE]
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