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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 693248" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>When I write that to folks I mean that I understand the level of concern and struggle to go "all in" and do whatever it takes to try to help, to try to stop the mad descent into this hell. Not to say that this will go on for years for your son, but as DP put it, it is a marathon. Some get it sooner than others and some don't.</p><p>Mine don't. Not yet. It is not that I am not concerned for my two, it is that I have exhausted and depleted myself to the point that I had to "pull back" and let the chips lie where they be. There is only so much one can do, or take.</p><p>I don't think you could even call it <em>functioning</em>. Maybe<em> barely surviving</em>. They are going from one disaster to the next, existing on food stamps, drifting from getting into emergency housing to getting kicked out, couch surfing, living with relatives and friends until they wear out the welcome there. That is the kind of life my grands have lived. As far as I know, Rain is still homeless.</p><p>If I stayed deep in the "game", I would be a basket case. As I write this, Tornado has been "camping out" here, while Volcano and the kids are elsewhere. I need to get her out. She needs to do something to improve her life and it <em>doesn't happen here</em>. She uses my home as a vacation away from her troubles, partying with her friends, staying out all night. It is the same ole, same ole. She is 27. Three kids. Abusive, drugging baby daddy.</p><p>Rain is 36. Cycled in and out of bad relationships for years, drinking, then turned to meth. Don't know how long she has been using, but it led to her being homeless.</p><p>We spent years trying to help both of them, I am worn down by their choices, RN, just so bloody tired of it.</p><p> I dont feel so strong at this point. Building up the chutzpah to face Tornado and tell her to get packing.....again.....she is avoiding the subject, going from being helpful to staying out all night. I am not her vacation hide away where she can blow her life and her kids off. Doesn't work that way. These adult " kids" just don't seem to get it. Expect everyone who is functioning, working for a living to pick up the pieces of the mess they make. Yet, they look at the life we lead with distaste? They drift from one disaster to the next, hold a pity party for help, then proceed to party on. It gets awfully old after so many years. That is why sometimes my posts are strong. It has been <em>so many years of this. </em></p><p>It is not to say that it will be the same for your son, RN, <em>everyone is different</em>. As far as I know, my two have not od'd.<em> I don't know how I would deal with that</em>.</p><p>I have had to develop and build walls around my heart so as not to be completely devastated and distraught by the lifestyle these two are choosing.</p><p> I think this is a reasonable place for you to be RN. Even though you may question your sons motive, that he would rather be in treatment then the alternative of being homeless, that is a deterrent for him. He has a rock bottom there. <em>That is good in my book.</em></p><p>Rain has seemed to accept her lot, has a " routine" of dumpster diving, left the hospital to go and recycle her cans for spare change. Despises the "norm" of working and striving to have a roof over her head. It is a mystery to me how she lives this way.</p><p>We are at different junctions in this journey. I do not accept the lifestyle that my two choose, just the fact that there is not much I can do to change it. I am past the point of trying, because it has not worked. I have absolutely no control over their choices. I have spent too many years suffering over them.</p><p>That is not to say that your efforts will not work for your son. I hope and pray he will keep reaching for sobriety. But there does come a time when we reach a tipping point. So yes, RN, if he gives you a hard time, definitely set boundaries and redirect him. You have a life to live and you matter.</p><p>That is what I will tell my daughter when I see her. She has got to make a life for herself, to learn to be self sufficient. At this point, once again, she is just using my home to go out and numb herself from the reality of her life. That is unacceptable.</p><p>Stay strong warrior mom. We are all on different fronts of this battle, each with our own unique circumstances.</p><p>The one thing that rings true for all of us is that our lives and peace of mind matters.</p><p>Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 693248, member: 19522"] When I write that to folks I mean that I understand the level of concern and struggle to go "all in" and do whatever it takes to try to help, to try to stop the mad descent into this hell. Not to say that this will go on for years for your son, but as DP put it, it is a marathon. Some get it sooner than others and some don't. Mine don't. Not yet. It is not that I am not concerned for my two, it is that I have exhausted and depleted myself to the point that I had to "pull back" and let the chips lie where they be. There is only so much one can do, or take. I don't think you could even call it [I]functioning[/I]. Maybe[I] barely surviving[/I]. They are going from one disaster to the next, existing on food stamps, drifting from getting into emergency housing to getting kicked out, couch surfing, living with relatives and friends until they wear out the welcome there. That is the kind of life my grands have lived. As far as I know, Rain is still homeless. If I stayed deep in the "game", I would be a basket case. As I write this, Tornado has been "camping out" here, while Volcano and the kids are elsewhere. I need to get her out. She needs to do something to improve her life and it [I]doesn't happen here[/I]. She uses my home as a vacation away from her troubles, partying with her friends, staying out all night. It is the same ole, same ole. She is 27. Three kids. Abusive, drugging baby daddy. Rain is 36. Cycled in and out of bad relationships for years, drinking, then turned to meth. Don't know how long she has been using, but it led to her being homeless. We spent years trying to help both of them, I am worn down by their choices, RN, just so bloody tired of it. I dont feel so strong at this point. Building up the chutzpah to face Tornado and tell her to get packing.....again.....she is avoiding the subject, going from being helpful to staying out all night. I am not her vacation hide away where she can blow her life and her kids off. Doesn't work that way. These adult " kids" just don't seem to get it. Expect everyone who is functioning, working for a living to pick up the pieces of the mess they make. Yet, they look at the life we lead with distaste? They drift from one disaster to the next, hold a pity party for help, then proceed to party on. It gets awfully old after so many years. That is why sometimes my posts are strong. It has been [I]so many years of this. [/I] It is not to say that it will be the same for your son, RN, [I]everyone is different[/I]. As far as I know, my two have not od'd.[I] I don't know how I would deal with that[/I]. I have had to develop and build walls around my heart so as not to be completely devastated and distraught by the lifestyle these two are choosing. I think this is a reasonable place for you to be RN. Even though you may question your sons motive, that he would rather be in treatment then the alternative of being homeless, that is a deterrent for him. He has a rock bottom there. [I]That is good in my book.[/I] Rain has seemed to accept her lot, has a " routine" of dumpster diving, left the hospital to go and recycle her cans for spare change. Despises the "norm" of working and striving to have a roof over her head. It is a mystery to me how she lives this way. We are at different junctions in this journey. I do not accept the lifestyle that my two choose, just the fact that there is not much I can do to change it. I am past the point of trying, because it has not worked. I have absolutely no control over their choices. I have spent too many years suffering over them. That is not to say that your efforts will not work for your son. I hope and pray he will keep reaching for sobriety. But there does come a time when we reach a tipping point. So yes, RN, if he gives you a hard time, definitely set boundaries and redirect him. You have a life to live and you matter. That is what I will tell my daughter when I see her. She has got to make a life for herself, to learn to be self sufficient. At this point, once again, she is just using my home to go out and numb herself from the reality of her life. That is unacceptable. Stay strong warrior mom. We are all on different fronts of this battle, each with our own unique circumstances. The one thing that rings true for all of us is that our lives and peace of mind matters. Holding you in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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