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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 693293" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>Yes, I agree entirely with everything you have done since this relapse. There is no point in laying out rules if they aren't going to be enforced. It is important that you follow through with consequences. 100%. That is the only way to stop enabling entirely. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to know that your son might be asleep on a park bench somewhere, and to not do anything. I have been the one on the park benches, though. Before I started using drugs, and before I came into contact with the aunt and uncle I am with now. I only bring it up to tell you that it is the loneliest, and most desperate I had ever felt. I would have done just about anything to escape that situation. That is what your son may need to experience. True rock bottom. It can't be easy to let your own child plummet head first into a deep pit, but you can only really help him out once he stops falling. That means he may need to hit the bottom of his pit. Experience a few nights like I did. The consequences of using drugs must be less appealing than the idea of getting high. </p><p></p><p>He is still so new to recovery. It's a bit strange, though. He has supposedly been at it long enough to have learned more than he is demonstrating to you. It isn't always about the length of clean time. Anybody can be clean when chained to a floor. Without truly treating the problem, he is very likely to use the moment those chains are removed. There is a huge difference between being sober, and being clean. Being clean is CHOOSING to be sober. Being sober is merely a result of not using mind altering substance, be it willingly or not. He still hasn't shown much, if any, humility. He still thinks he can somehow do this HIS way, despite all evidence to the contrary. Addiction is similar to a delusion. A belief held despite lack of evidence, and in spite of evidence to the contrary. How can he be truly ready to get answers to questions he isn't even bothering to ask? He still thinks he "gets it". He has one foot in recovery, and the other in active use. Both propositions are an all or nothing kind of deal. It can only be one, or the other. Recovery shouldn't be comfortable. It shouldn't be enjoyable. The end result of recovery is enjoyable. His discomfort should eventually serve as another reason to keep his <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> together. He needs to know that the alternative to being clean is this discomfort he is experiencing right now. </p><p></p><p>It is a matter of life and death, you aren't being hyperbolic there. I have seen addicts die. Miraculously, I did not. Nor did any close friends of mine. Just using buddies here and there. You are not overreacting about it. There are really only 2 possible destinations for an addict who continues to use; a prison cell, or a pine box. Do you know if he has ever seen or known an addict who died due to use? It is very difficult to ignore that possibility after experiencing it second or third hand. Even though I continued to use, it was always in the back of my mind. At the very least, it did keep me from going nuts with it, and pumping as much into my system I possibly could.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 693293, member: 20267"] Yes, I agree entirely with everything you have done since this relapse. There is no point in laying out rules if they aren't going to be enforced. It is important that you follow through with consequences. 100%. That is the only way to stop enabling entirely. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to know that your son might be asleep on a park bench somewhere, and to not do anything. I have been the one on the park benches, though. Before I started using drugs, and before I came into contact with the aunt and uncle I am with now. I only bring it up to tell you that it is the loneliest, and most desperate I had ever felt. I would have done just about anything to escape that situation. That is what your son may need to experience. True rock bottom. It can't be easy to let your own child plummet head first into a deep pit, but you can only really help him out once he stops falling. That means he may need to hit the bottom of his pit. Experience a few nights like I did. The consequences of using drugs must be less appealing than the idea of getting high. He is still so new to recovery. It's a bit strange, though. He has supposedly been at it long enough to have learned more than he is demonstrating to you. It isn't always about the length of clean time. Anybody can be clean when chained to a floor. Without truly treating the problem, he is very likely to use the moment those chains are removed. There is a huge difference between being sober, and being clean. Being clean is CHOOSING to be sober. Being sober is merely a result of not using mind altering substance, be it willingly or not. He still hasn't shown much, if any, humility. He still thinks he can somehow do this HIS way, despite all evidence to the contrary. Addiction is similar to a delusion. A belief held despite lack of evidence, and in spite of evidence to the contrary. How can he be truly ready to get answers to questions he isn't even bothering to ask? He still thinks he "gets it". He has one foot in recovery, and the other in active use. Both propositions are an all or nothing kind of deal. It can only be one, or the other. Recovery shouldn't be comfortable. It shouldn't be enjoyable. The end result of recovery is enjoyable. His discomfort should eventually serve as another reason to keep his :censored2: together. He needs to know that the alternative to being clean is this discomfort he is experiencing right now. It is a matter of life and death, you aren't being hyperbolic there. I have seen addicts die. Miraculously, I did not. Nor did any close friends of mine. Just using buddies here and there. You are not overreacting about it. There are really only 2 possible destinations for an addict who continues to use; a prison cell, or a pine box. Do you know if he has ever seen or known an addict who died due to use? It is very difficult to ignore that possibility after experiencing it second or third hand. Even though I continued to use, it was always in the back of my mind. At the very least, it did keep me from going nuts with it, and pumping as much into my system I possibly could. [/QUOTE]
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