Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 693933" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>RN I am sorry for the place you find yourself in but I believe we all need to come to this. I agree with the rest. Your son is realizing his manipulations are not carrying the day. Good. He cannot anymore snow you or cow you. Good. What can he say, anyway, when all of the obfuscations, excuses and lies no longer serve him. He is facing that now. He is facing himself. He does not like it. It is easier to blame you. </p><p></p><p>But you and your husband are learning: you will not accept either blame nor responsibility. Good.</p><p>I do not believe you or I can reasonably expect the changing to be in them at this stage. It must come from us. </p><p></p><p>You are starting to pivot. Evidence this:When I was at this point, I did not call my son for months. I barely spoke with him, saying Oh, So, or No. And that was about it. He hated it!! And I set very, very tight boundaries. I would not speak about anything unless I wanted to. If he chose a topic that I had warned him against, I said Bye.</p><p></p><p>This was when he began to change. When he realized I would not accept him the way he was. If he wanted anything to do with me, he had to change. And he began to change. He was convinced I was serious.</p><p></p><p>Others have mentioned the car: no cars or insurance in your name!! Now is the time I would pull back. If my son wanted to run his own program, I let him. I backed off. That is what I did. And I did not tolerate the hanging up. I would not answer. I would let him sweat. Until I became convinced he was accepting my terms. Or no terms. It is about power. The power belongs to you! I took my power back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 693933, member: 18958"] RN I am sorry for the place you find yourself in but I believe we all need to come to this. I agree with the rest. Your son is realizing his manipulations are not carrying the day. Good. He cannot anymore snow you or cow you. Good. What can he say, anyway, when all of the obfuscations, excuses and lies no longer serve him. He is facing that now. He is facing himself. He does not like it. It is easier to blame you. But you and your husband are learning: you will not accept either blame nor responsibility. Good. I do not believe you or I can reasonably expect the changing to be in them at this stage. It must come from us. You are starting to pivot. Evidence this:When I was at this point, I did not call my son for months. I barely spoke with him, saying Oh, So, or No. And that was about it. He hated it!! And I set very, very tight boundaries. I would not speak about anything unless I wanted to. If he chose a topic that I had warned him against, I said Bye. This was when he began to change. When he realized I would not accept him the way he was. If he wanted anything to do with me, he had to change. And he began to change. He was convinced I was serious. Others have mentioned the car: no cars or insurance in your name!! Now is the time I would pull back. If my son wanted to run his own program, I let him. I backed off. That is what I did. And I did not tolerate the hanging up. I would not answer. I would let him sweat. Until I became convinced he was accepting my terms. Or no terms. It is about power. The power belongs to you! I took my power back. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
Top