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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 694157" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>RN, this is where boundaries are very important. You do not have to let him bug you. Period. You tell him what you will accept and then stick to it. If he starts calling or texting with complaints, block his number. I had to do that multiple times with my daughter before she got the message. If she wants to talk to me, she has to be appropriate and talk about things that do not upset me.</p><p></p><p>What was your son's plan about the $400 a month? Were you supposed to pay it? Quite frankly, your son does not sound like he is ready to be sober. My daughter was like that when we forced her into a 3-month inpatient program and relapsed immediately after she got out. She told us later that she still didn't believe she had a problem at that point and had no intention of remaining sober. Mind you, this was after her heroin overdose so it was pretty clear to everyone but her that she had a problem!</p><p></p><p>It is going to be very hard for you but if he keeps insisting that he wants to leave the program and go to school, tell him that he has your blessing but no financial support. Lots of people work while putting themselves through school. If he is right and can make it on his own, it is a win-win. But if he can't, maybe he will finally accept that he has a problem and take the help that you are offering him.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could explain in words the difference in my daughter now from when she was in programs before. She likes and appreciates the rules now and keeps telling us that she is in a great place. I asked her recently what the difference was this time and she said it was a combination of being in a great program with her finally being ready to be sober. I think both of those components are necessary for recovery.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, take care of yourself. I am so glad you are seeing a therapist. Don't be afraid to demand time for yourself. I had to take a complete break from my daughter at times and at others set limits to the number of times she could contact me. For example, for a while, my husband and I would only talk to her once a week on Sundays. My therapist highly encouraged setting boundaries like that to force her to deal with her issues on her own instead of complaining to us and upsetting us.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 694157, member: 1967"] RN, this is where boundaries are very important. You do not have to let him bug you. Period. You tell him what you will accept and then stick to it. If he starts calling or texting with complaints, block his number. I had to do that multiple times with my daughter before she got the message. If she wants to talk to me, she has to be appropriate and talk about things that do not upset me. What was your son's plan about the $400 a month? Were you supposed to pay it? Quite frankly, your son does not sound like he is ready to be sober. My daughter was like that when we forced her into a 3-month inpatient program and relapsed immediately after she got out. She told us later that she still didn't believe she had a problem at that point and had no intention of remaining sober. Mind you, this was after her heroin overdose so it was pretty clear to everyone but her that she had a problem! It is going to be very hard for you but if he keeps insisting that he wants to leave the program and go to school, tell him that he has your blessing but no financial support. Lots of people work while putting themselves through school. If he is right and can make it on his own, it is a win-win. But if he can't, maybe he will finally accept that he has a problem and take the help that you are offering him. I wish I could explain in words the difference in my daughter now from when she was in programs before. She likes and appreciates the rules now and keeps telling us that she is in a great place. I asked her recently what the difference was this time and she said it was a combination of being in a great program with her finally being ready to be sober. I think both of those components are necessary for recovery. In the meantime, take care of yourself. I am so glad you are seeing a therapist. Don't be afraid to demand time for yourself. I had to take a complete break from my daughter at times and at others set limits to the number of times she could contact me. For example, for a while, my husband and I would only talk to her once a week on Sundays. My therapist highly encouraged setting boundaries like that to force her to deal with her issues on her own instead of complaining to us and upsetting us. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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My son relapsed....
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