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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 694456" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>RN. I just edited the top part of the post where I fessed up that I am the biggest offender in this. Please read it so that I do not feel that I am taking some position that I do anything correctly.</p><p></p><p>OMG. About loving and supporting them. If they get anything at all, they know that they are our moon and stars, and universe. That is the problem. Somehow they have lost the idea that they are responsible, and need to be responsible. They believe it is us. It will not hurt your son to for a time to feel he is alone. That is not the same thing as being alone. You will always be there <em>until you die.</em> </p><p></p><p>Our sons need to start living as if they are alone, and that their choices have absolute ramifications. He is no longer just your son. He is a man in the world. Do you want your son to operate through life like somebody's son, or do you want him to take his place as a man?</p><p></p><p>From what you write about your husband, I very much get the sense that he is a man. A man who takes responsibility onto his own shoulders, and who can stand alone apart from his mother. Do you want this for your son?</p><p></p><p>Your son is young, still, but he has been making very adult choices--for which he has not wanted to or fully taken adult responsibilities. That is in part why I felt horrified for you about the rings. That is a crime that has landed many, many people in prison. Of course in their cases there was a pattern of misconduct, but look at your son? Is there not a pattern there, too?</p><p></p><p>Is it really helping him that you see him first as your beloved son, rather than a culpable, responsible adult who is doing very very wrong things. And he is not the only victim. He is victimizing others.</p><p>These things are not just accidents. It is not the problem of the drugs. You cannot separate out the drugs. The drugs have not jumped into him. He decided. These are his actions. He is responsible. Make him responsible. </p><p></p><p>Until you do so, I fear you may enable him. And that is not good for him. </p><p></p><p>All of this I write knowing that I am the worst offender. That is how I know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 694456, member: 18958"] RN. I just edited the top part of the post where I fessed up that I am the biggest offender in this. Please read it so that I do not feel that I am taking some position that I do anything correctly. OMG. About loving and supporting them. If they get anything at all, they know that they are our moon and stars, and universe. That is the problem. Somehow they have lost the idea that they are responsible, and need to be responsible. They believe it is us. It will not hurt your son to for a time to feel he is alone. That is not the same thing as being alone. You will always be there [I]until you die.[/I] Our sons need to start living as if they are alone, and that their choices have absolute ramifications. He is no longer just your son. He is a man in the world. Do you want your son to operate through life like somebody's son, or do you want him to take his place as a man? From what you write about your husband, I very much get the sense that he is a man. A man who takes responsibility onto his own shoulders, and who can stand alone apart from his mother. Do you want this for your son? Your son is young, still, but he has been making very adult choices--for which he has not wanted to or fully taken adult responsibilities. That is in part why I felt horrified for you about the rings. That is a crime that has landed many, many people in prison. Of course in their cases there was a pattern of misconduct, but look at your son? Is there not a pattern there, too? Is it really helping him that you see him first as your beloved son, rather than a culpable, responsible adult who is doing very very wrong things. And he is not the only victim. He is victimizing others. These things are not just accidents. It is not the problem of the drugs. You cannot separate out the drugs. The drugs have not jumped into him. He decided. These are his actions. He is responsible. Make him responsible. Until you do so, I fear you may enable him. And that is not good for him. All of this I write knowing that I am the worst offender. That is how I know. [/QUOTE]
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My son relapsed....
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