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My Son...
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 529642" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I have very specific memories from childhood that were divided....we had times when as kids, around the same age as your son, we knew to hide in a secret place and do a show and tell kind of thing....all the kids in the neighborhood were there, we knew we were being sneaky but it did not feel cooerced or looking back I dont feel any shame or harm if that makes sense. There were other times we "played doctor". One girl and I even played we were married, taking turns who was the dad. All of those things to me were very innocent in actuality. Nothing actual sexual ever happened. </p><p></p><p>On the other hand there was a boy across the street who would make me sit under a pool table with him and touch him and he wanted to touch me and I would say no but he would say that he would tell and I would get in trouble and he scared me. That was a power difference and that hurt me. I finally did tell him no to all of it and figured out ways to stay away from him by myself. I never told till I was an adult.</p><p></p><p>The way things are in society now, people may over-react and I think your friend is wise to just be careful and not make a huge deal of it. Certainly that does not mean that she should not be careful for her daughter with your son or any little boy for that matter. There was a first grade boy who said he would punch me in the stomach if I didn't show him my girl parts and that was right in the classroom behind a little reading area divider! (I didn't and got away)</p><p></p><p>If he has seen any how to make a baby books or such things I can see why he would get curious. And many of those books do not say how sex works, so they are really clueless about the details and think just touching parts is what does it. I remember being shocked when years after learning how a baby is made, I learned what happened to a boys privates in order for it to happen. </p><p></p><p>I am being really candid here because I can see how this is still within normal, but clearly you want to be careful. I think you are doing a great job of balancing. It would be awful if he developed sexual problems because he thought he ruined lives etc...and you did not say anything like that to him. To me it sounds like he needs more boundary teaching, answers to questions and the knowledge that if he is ever curious you promise you will answer any question (he probably has heard that but needs it again and again) and he will not be in trouble for that. </p><p></p><p>I agree with Lia, go with your gut, you probably have good instincts....especially given your past, but make sure you are not putting your issues onto him or the little girl. That is a hard balance to achieve. Keep checking things, make sure your doctor knows that the parents already know...even so, they are mandated reporters and could feel that they have to get cps involved. I would just be very very careful how you go about that. Depending on the cps worker, they can screw kids up more than the situation. I am NOT saying dont tell, just would hate for one of the not so good cps workers to interview the little girl and make more of it than the parents are comfortable with. I'd like to think they are all trained not to do harm or put ideas into kids heads but we all know that is not the case in every situation. Not to mention what they might say or do to your own child. IF you were parents who were sticking your head in the sand and not really dealing with the situation I would not feel this way and would actually want them involved just to make sure, but just my totally under educated gut in this case (in this area of issue, that is)...that you are going to explore every angle and cover all safety issues from now on so...just be careful. (and there are great cps people and some families actually get great supports and help through going through cps so I am not saying it is always a bad idea). Just thoughts...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 529642, member: 12886"] I have very specific memories from childhood that were divided....we had times when as kids, around the same age as your son, we knew to hide in a secret place and do a show and tell kind of thing....all the kids in the neighborhood were there, we knew we were being sneaky but it did not feel cooerced or looking back I dont feel any shame or harm if that makes sense. There were other times we "played doctor". One girl and I even played we were married, taking turns who was the dad. All of those things to me were very innocent in actuality. Nothing actual sexual ever happened. On the other hand there was a boy across the street who would make me sit under a pool table with him and touch him and he wanted to touch me and I would say no but he would say that he would tell and I would get in trouble and he scared me. That was a power difference and that hurt me. I finally did tell him no to all of it and figured out ways to stay away from him by myself. I never told till I was an adult. The way things are in society now, people may over-react and I think your friend is wise to just be careful and not make a huge deal of it. Certainly that does not mean that she should not be careful for her daughter with your son or any little boy for that matter. There was a first grade boy who said he would punch me in the stomach if I didn't show him my girl parts and that was right in the classroom behind a little reading area divider! (I didn't and got away) If he has seen any how to make a baby books or such things I can see why he would get curious. And many of those books do not say how sex works, so they are really clueless about the details and think just touching parts is what does it. I remember being shocked when years after learning how a baby is made, I learned what happened to a boys privates in order for it to happen. I am being really candid here because I can see how this is still within normal, but clearly you want to be careful. I think you are doing a great job of balancing. It would be awful if he developed sexual problems because he thought he ruined lives etc...and you did not say anything like that to him. To me it sounds like he needs more boundary teaching, answers to questions and the knowledge that if he is ever curious you promise you will answer any question (he probably has heard that but needs it again and again) and he will not be in trouble for that. I agree with Lia, go with your gut, you probably have good instincts....especially given your past, but make sure you are not putting your issues onto him or the little girl. That is a hard balance to achieve. Keep checking things, make sure your doctor knows that the parents already know...even so, they are mandated reporters and could feel that they have to get cps involved. I would just be very very careful how you go about that. Depending on the cps worker, they can screw kids up more than the situation. I am NOT saying dont tell, just would hate for one of the not so good cps workers to interview the little girl and make more of it than the parents are comfortable with. I'd like to think they are all trained not to do harm or put ideas into kids heads but we all know that is not the case in every situation. Not to mention what they might say or do to your own child. IF you were parents who were sticking your head in the sand and not really dealing with the situation I would not feel this way and would actually want them involved just to make sure, but just my totally under educated gut in this case (in this area of issue, that is)...that you are going to explore every angle and cover all safety issues from now on so...just be careful. (and there are great cps people and some families actually get great supports and help through going through cps so I am not saying it is always a bad idea). Just thoughts... [/QUOTE]
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