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My son's biggest problem
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<blockquote data-quote="MrsMo" data-source="post: 437030" data-attributes="member: 12107"><p>Have you tried role-playing? I've recently started doing this with C and it's actually working. I've been able to get through to him in a way that I have never been able to before. C is also 4 years old like yours. So what I've been doing is I'll wait a quieter time of day and this is our "game" that we play together, no one else is around, no distractions. So I choose a behaviour or something he's done and we role-play doing it the "nice" way and doing it the "not nice" way and we take turns being the nice guy and then being the mean guy. While we're doing it, I'll stop him periodically and ask him "How do you feel right now?" and "How do you think I feel right now". And then we'll do it the "nice" or "better" way and talk about our feelings. I really think he's understanding now how his actions affect other people and how acting negatively makes him feel sad, mad, bad, sorry and that it's not a good feeling and that doing things the nicer way and cooperating make him feel GOOD inside. I've been really working lately on having him talk about feelings and that if he's feeling angry, sad, left out, to come and talk to me or husband and tell us. We will always have time for him; I will always have time to give him a hug. I think he needed to hear that. He is now talking more about his feelings and not letting himself get so worked up over things. I've actually seen a really big change in him and I hope we can continue down this road. We've also done role-playing to say "I'm sorry" because he was having a hard time saying sorry. I've also noticed that when he's getting himself into a "mood" if I come to him quietly and say "What's going on? Let's talk about this." he is more open to start talking to me about what's going on. This morning I gave him a hug and we talked about why he was feeling mad. Within minutes he was over it and happy, whereas before it would have been a terrible morning. </p><p></p><p>Anyways, I don't know if any of this will help for you but our boys are the same age. As for your son saying inappropriate things, does he hear these phrases from other kids or adults in his life? If you find yourself using any of these words, even if it's not directed at him, you'll want to try really hard to stop saying them around him. I say this because my son was saying "shut up" a lot and we couldn't figure out why he'd be doing that. Then I realized it was because we would say it half-jokingly, to our cat (she's a siamese and can get very loud). I told C that it was a bad word and if he heard anyone using such and such words, that they would get a time-out. If he used the same words, he would get time-out too. Everyone goes by the same rules and we kind of made it his job to enforce it and he liked having that responsibility. My husband and I have gotten a few time-outs (LOL) but it worked to stop C from saying those words.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrsMo, post: 437030, member: 12107"] Have you tried role-playing? I've recently started doing this with C and it's actually working. I've been able to get through to him in a way that I have never been able to before. C is also 4 years old like yours. So what I've been doing is I'll wait a quieter time of day and this is our "game" that we play together, no one else is around, no distractions. So I choose a behaviour or something he's done and we role-play doing it the "nice" way and doing it the "not nice" way and we take turns being the nice guy and then being the mean guy. While we're doing it, I'll stop him periodically and ask him "How do you feel right now?" and "How do you think I feel right now". And then we'll do it the "nice" or "better" way and talk about our feelings. I really think he's understanding now how his actions affect other people and how acting negatively makes him feel sad, mad, bad, sorry and that it's not a good feeling and that doing things the nicer way and cooperating make him feel GOOD inside. I've been really working lately on having him talk about feelings and that if he's feeling angry, sad, left out, to come and talk to me or husband and tell us. We will always have time for him; I will always have time to give him a hug. I think he needed to hear that. He is now talking more about his feelings and not letting himself get so worked up over things. I've actually seen a really big change in him and I hope we can continue down this road. We've also done role-playing to say "I'm sorry" because he was having a hard time saying sorry. I've also noticed that when he's getting himself into a "mood" if I come to him quietly and say "What's going on? Let's talk about this." he is more open to start talking to me about what's going on. This morning I gave him a hug and we talked about why he was feeling mad. Within minutes he was over it and happy, whereas before it would have been a terrible morning. Anyways, I don't know if any of this will help for you but our boys are the same age. As for your son saying inappropriate things, does he hear these phrases from other kids or adults in his life? If you find yourself using any of these words, even if it's not directed at him, you'll want to try really hard to stop saying them around him. I say this because my son was saying "shut up" a lot and we couldn't figure out why he'd be doing that. Then I realized it was because we would say it half-jokingly, to our cat (she's a siamese and can get very loud). I told C that it was a bad word and if he heard anyone using such and such words, that they would get a time-out. If he used the same words, he would get time-out too. Everyone goes by the same rules and we kind of made it his job to enforce it and he liked having that responsibility. My husband and I have gotten a few time-outs (LOL) but it worked to stop C from saying those words. [/QUOTE]
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