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My sons personality has changed drastically.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747442" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Spartan. Welcome to you. I am very concerned for you about what is going on with your son. I am concerned more for you, than for him. He is acting badly. And yet your concern is for him. You have come to the right place. Here you will learn to think about your own welfare first, and that of your family. Your son is acting like a marauder. He can't keep doing this near you or on your dime:</p><p></p><p></p><p>First. All of the above are extremely concerning. Threatening somebody with violence to their person or their property is a crime. You are his parent, not his victim.</p><p></p><p>The first thing that needs to happen is that he cannot be around you behaving like this. Worrying about him, is not the priority. (Although we all do it.)The first concern is that he not treat you that way, or disrespect your home and family by this aggressive and disordered behavior. How will you take control?Stop paying for college! And don't let him come home. If he won't treat you with respect, ( not threatening you or your belongings, and acting in such a way that you dread his presence) he cannot be home. Actually, respect is the wrong word. If he can't threaten you or your property...is more to the point.</p><p></p><p>I feel this strongly: If your son cannot or will not behave in a way that is non-violent, in word and deed, let alone decent and respectful and not self-destructive, he should not be subsidized in any way, to my way of thinking.</p><p></p><p>How is he getting money to buy quantities of marijuana and designer clothes? Is he using your money? Could he be dealing drugs?</p><p></p><p>This kind of behavior that you describe, sounds like somebody who has lost control and lost his moorings. He sounds headstrong and full of himself. And in my view, your support, financial and otherwise may be fueling this. Not causing it. But giving him the means to continue. This is not your fault. But there are things to do.</p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">Your leverage as I see it, is cutting off the money, and keeping him away from your house. I hear you saying that this situation has crossed the line into intolerable. Your son will not change as long as everything stays the same. He is showing you by his attitudes, behaviors, and words that for now he has no incentive or desire to change. This means that you will need to change.</span></p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry you find yourself in this hard, hard spot. You cannot change your child, but you can change yourself. Many of us have found that when we change and learn to set appropriate boundaries and to make our own welfare, that of the family as a whole, and the sanctity of our home, the priority, that our children, in time, choose to change, too. But we cannot do it for them and we can't determine the timetable. We need to do it for ourselves, first.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747442, member: 18958"] Spartan. Welcome to you. I am very concerned for you about what is going on with your son. I am concerned more for you, than for him. He is acting badly. And yet your concern is for him. You have come to the right place. Here you will learn to think about your own welfare first, and that of your family. Your son is acting like a marauder. He can't keep doing this near you or on your dime: First. All of the above are extremely concerning. Threatening somebody with violence to their person or their property is a crime. You are his parent, not his victim. The first thing that needs to happen is that he cannot be around you behaving like this. Worrying about him, is not the priority. (Although we all do it.)The first concern is that he not treat you that way, or disrespect your home and family by this aggressive and disordered behavior. How will you take control?Stop paying for college! And don't let him come home. If he won't treat you with respect, ( not threatening you or your belongings, and acting in such a way that you dread his presence) he cannot be home. Actually, respect is the wrong word. If he can't threaten you or your property...is more to the point. I feel this strongly: If your son cannot or will not behave in a way that is non-violent, in word and deed, let alone decent and respectful and not self-destructive, he should not be subsidized in any way, to my way of thinking. How is he getting money to buy quantities of marijuana and designer clothes? Is he using your money? Could he be dealing drugs? This kind of behavior that you describe, sounds like somebody who has lost control and lost his moorings. He sounds headstrong and full of himself. And in my view, your support, financial and otherwise may be fueling this. Not causing it. But giving him the means to continue. This is not your fault. But there are things to do. [LEFT][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)] Your leverage as I see it, is cutting off the money, and keeping him away from your house. I hear you saying that this situation has crossed the line into intolerable. Your son will not change as long as everything stays the same. He is showing you by his attitudes, behaviors, and words that for now he has no incentive or desire to change. This means that you will need to change.[/COLOR][/LEFT] I am so very sorry you find yourself in this hard, hard spot. You cannot change your child, but you can change yourself. Many of us have found that when we change and learn to set appropriate boundaries and to make our own welfare, that of the family as a whole, and the sanctity of our home, the priority, that our children, in time, choose to change, too. But we cannot do it for them and we can't determine the timetable. We need to do it for ourselves, first. [/QUOTE]
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