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My sons personality has changed drastically.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 747455" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>First of all, I’m so sorry. It sounds dreadful. The others are very likely right. It might be best to consider cutting off funding for college if he can’t stop the cheating , pot smoking and disrespect.</p><p></p><p>Boundaries, like probably always around here, will be of help.</p><p></p><p>But it feels wrong (for lack of a better word) for me not to mention that when our son was refusing to study or do his math homework at all in a high school class, a psychologist recommended I let his tutor go. I questioned this. He told me I should tell my son that the tutor was for help. Not to replace real work. He still refused to lift a finger. It was disturbing. Since I had to make good in my threat, I fired the tutor. My son did horribly afterward. Both in the class and in ever way. He spiraled into a very bad place.</p><p></p><p>There is not a great correlation between our two stories, but perhaps a teeny tiny one.</p><p></p><p>I guess our son at the time could not study. Period. Could not do what I asked him to do. So, when I took away the one support he had, he fell apart.</p><p></p><p>To this day I’m unsure if that was good advice.</p><p></p><p>What it did reveal though was that the problem at that time was bigger and deeper than I ever imagined.</p><p></p><p>I do t know if keeping the tutor, getting a different therapist and other supports may have helped. In other words...trying a different angle.</p><p></p><p>Eventually we actually had to do “tough love,” type things . But I’m unsure if doing something that even in a small way caused him to collapse his junior year of high school was such a great idea.</p><p></p><p>You will figure it out. Some things are a little uncertain and take much thought.</p><p></p><p>But some things are for sure: setting boundaries are almost always helpful and never allow him to be abusive or unkind to you ...as that is horrible for you and in the long run, bad for him as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 747455, member: 4152"] First of all, I’m so sorry. It sounds dreadful. The others are very likely right. It might be best to consider cutting off funding for college if he can’t stop the cheating , pot smoking and disrespect. Boundaries, like probably always around here, will be of help. But it feels wrong (for lack of a better word) for me not to mention that when our son was refusing to study or do his math homework at all in a high school class, a psychologist recommended I let his tutor go. I questioned this. He told me I should tell my son that the tutor was for help. Not to replace real work. He still refused to lift a finger. It was disturbing. Since I had to make good in my threat, I fired the tutor. My son did horribly afterward. Both in the class and in ever way. He spiraled into a very bad place. There is not a great correlation between our two stories, but perhaps a teeny tiny one. I guess our son at the time could not study. Period. Could not do what I asked him to do. So, when I took away the one support he had, he fell apart. To this day I’m unsure if that was good advice. What it did reveal though was that the problem at that time was bigger and deeper than I ever imagined. I do t know if keeping the tutor, getting a different therapist and other supports may have helped. In other words...trying a different angle. Eventually we actually had to do “tough love,” type things . But I’m unsure if doing something that even in a small way caused him to collapse his junior year of high school was such a great idea. You will figure it out. Some things are a little uncertain and take much thought. But some things are for sure: setting boundaries are almost always helpful and never allow him to be abusive or unkind to you ...as that is horrible for you and in the long run, bad for him as well. [/QUOTE]
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