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Substance Abuse
My teen is dealing drugs!
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<blockquote data-quote="Greenegal" data-source="post: 616408" data-attributes="member: 17528"><p>Thank you so much for caring enough to respond everyone. I greatly appreciate it. My daughter is (luckily) the only child in the house. Her father moved out of the country to avoid paying child support and taxes so I'd rather not involve him in this, I doubt if he would be a helpful influence. My husband/her step dad already dislikes her and has no tolerance dealing with her and she can't stand hearing anything from him. </p><p>When she was 16 and had a boyfriend she stopped coming home for days at a time. On the advice of a therapist I gave her the ultimatum of being kicked out if she left the house when she was on restriction or didn't come home at night. The very next day she left without telling me when she was on restriction so I kicked her out. At that time her dad lived a few towns away and I told her to pack a big and called him. He came down to get her but she refused to go with him and just left on her own. She knew she could come back at any time if she followed the rules but was happy to live with her boyfriend in his car or stay with friends. She lived like that for 2 months, sleeping in his car, panhandling, doing god knows what. (A modern day white middle class grungy hippie. I was in high school in the 70's and she now looks just like I did!)</p><p>Anyway, if I kick her out she will probably never come back again. I don't want to do that. I took a class for parents of difficult teens and they had a lot of useful information but it was too late. I should have done it when she was 12. One thing they said in that class is that you should never kick them out. Do everything but that. Once they know they can leave whenever they want and aren't scared to do so you lose all your leverage. I've taken away the phone, computer,etc... and she is so stubborn and determined to win a power struggle she won't give in, she just digs her heels in. Or leaves.</p><p>I think narcotics anonymous might be a good idea if I can get over the humiliation and go. I am an early childhood educator, have taught thousands of children/families over the years and would be so embarrassed to see anyone I know there. Ironic isn't it. Does anyone know how I can hire an intervention specialist? I probably can't afford it but I want to look into it. Any other advice for dealing with her and finding something that can be a consequence? How can I confront her without some ultimatum or consequence? Thank you soooo much for your thoughts and feedback. <3</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Greenegal, post: 616408, member: 17528"] Thank you so much for caring enough to respond everyone. I greatly appreciate it. My daughter is (luckily) the only child in the house. Her father moved out of the country to avoid paying child support and taxes so I'd rather not involve him in this, I doubt if he would be a helpful influence. My husband/her step dad already dislikes her and has no tolerance dealing with her and she can't stand hearing anything from him. When she was 16 and had a boyfriend she stopped coming home for days at a time. On the advice of a therapist I gave her the ultimatum of being kicked out if she left the house when she was on restriction or didn't come home at night. The very next day she left without telling me when she was on restriction so I kicked her out. At that time her dad lived a few towns away and I told her to pack a big and called him. He came down to get her but she refused to go with him and just left on her own. She knew she could come back at any time if she followed the rules but was happy to live with her boyfriend in his car or stay with friends. She lived like that for 2 months, sleeping in his car, panhandling, doing god knows what. (A modern day white middle class grungy hippie. I was in high school in the 70's and she now looks just like I did!) Anyway, if I kick her out she will probably never come back again. I don't want to do that. I took a class for parents of difficult teens and they had a lot of useful information but it was too late. I should have done it when she was 12. One thing they said in that class is that you should never kick them out. Do everything but that. Once they know they can leave whenever they want and aren't scared to do so you lose all your leverage. I've taken away the phone, computer,etc... and she is so stubborn and determined to win a power struggle she won't give in, she just digs her heels in. Or leaves. I think narcotics anonymous might be a good idea if I can get over the humiliation and go. I am an early childhood educator, have taught thousands of children/families over the years and would be so embarrassed to see anyone I know there. Ironic isn't it. Does anyone know how I can hire an intervention specialist? I probably can't afford it but I want to look into it. Any other advice for dealing with her and finding something that can be a consequence? How can I confront her without some ultimatum or consequence? Thank you soooo much for your thoughts and feedback. <3 [/QUOTE]
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