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Substance Abuse
My teen is dealing drugs!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 616418" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Greengal,</p><p></p><p>I would try to find a group (either alanon or naranon) specifically for parents. I know my alanon group for parents is really dealing with any substance, doesnt have to be alcohol. As far as running into someone you know, most likely they are there for the same reason so really no need to be embarrassed. And you need to take in that this is not your fault. I think we can all look back and feel guilty about something but really many many good parents have troubled kids.</p><p></p><p>I wonder when they said never kick your kid out? I wonder the circumstances really? I mean sometimes there is really no other choice. We did not want to kick our son out either but he would not follow any of rules (which were extremely reasonable) and was blatantly violating them. Plus we had a younger child to consider. The world is full of rules and if you cant follow rules and continue to defy them then there are consequences. Unfotrunately for my son it is a very hard lesson to learn and he is learning it via the court system!!! So I dont think you do them any favors by letting them continue to live in your home, blatantly violating rules and doing drugs and living by their own rules.</p><p></p><p>What I will say with my son is that at various times I am sure he has hated us, felt abandoned by us and yet we have always continued to let him know we love him. Even when we kicked him out, I would text him that I loved him and cared about him. He ignored me until he got arrested but then he called. So when he would hit bottom and was ready for help he would call and we would help him get help. We still have a relationship (not a great one) but it is a relationship. He knows we love him and support him. I think now at the age of 22 he knows he has gotten himself into the situation he is in (on probation, in a long term treatment place which if he leaves will mean jail), and that we really do love him and support him.</p><p></p><p>That is all a long way of saying if you set the rules and boundaries that your daughter must live by to live in your home, and she chooses to ignore them then she is choosing to leave your home. Then you let her go, let her know you love her, wont enable her bad behavior but will always be there when she wants help. Believe me living on couches and panhandling does get old eventually. My son has lived on the streets and definitely lived by panhandling. He also grew up in a upper middle class town and it is shocking to me that he lived this way but he did and he learned to survive. You really cant protect them from themselves... all you can do is not make it easier for them to self destruct.... and an important part of that is setting boundaries about what is acceptable behavior if they live with you.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 616418, member: 15801"] Greengal, I would try to find a group (either alanon or naranon) specifically for parents. I know my alanon group for parents is really dealing with any substance, doesnt have to be alcohol. As far as running into someone you know, most likely they are there for the same reason so really no need to be embarrassed. And you need to take in that this is not your fault. I think we can all look back and feel guilty about something but really many many good parents have troubled kids. I wonder when they said never kick your kid out? I wonder the circumstances really? I mean sometimes there is really no other choice. We did not want to kick our son out either but he would not follow any of rules (which were extremely reasonable) and was blatantly violating them. Plus we had a younger child to consider. The world is full of rules and if you cant follow rules and continue to defy them then there are consequences. Unfotrunately for my son it is a very hard lesson to learn and he is learning it via the court system!!! So I dont think you do them any favors by letting them continue to live in your home, blatantly violating rules and doing drugs and living by their own rules. What I will say with my son is that at various times I am sure he has hated us, felt abandoned by us and yet we have always continued to let him know we love him. Even when we kicked him out, I would text him that I loved him and cared about him. He ignored me until he got arrested but then he called. So when he would hit bottom and was ready for help he would call and we would help him get help. We still have a relationship (not a great one) but it is a relationship. He knows we love him and support him. I think now at the age of 22 he knows he has gotten himself into the situation he is in (on probation, in a long term treatment place which if he leaves will mean jail), and that we really do love him and support him. That is all a long way of saying if you set the rules and boundaries that your daughter must live by to live in your home, and she chooses to ignore them then she is choosing to leave your home. Then you let her go, let her know you love her, wont enable her bad behavior but will always be there when she wants help. Believe me living on couches and panhandling does get old eventually. My son has lived on the streets and definitely lived by panhandling. He also grew up in a upper middle class town and it is shocking to me that he lived this way but he did and he learned to survive. You really cant protect them from themselves... all you can do is not make it easier for them to self destruct.... and an important part of that is setting boundaries about what is acceptable behavior if they live with you. TL Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders [/QUOTE]
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My teen is dealing drugs!
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