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Substance Abuse
My teen is dealing drugs!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 616433" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok. Wait a second.\</p><p></p><p>Um, my daughter tried that. I told her I had searched her room. She started whining about the privacy thing and I told her she had broken MY trust and that this was my house and if s he wanted privacy she would have to earn it back and that it would be hard.</p><p></p><p>My daughter lived at home, but she WAS sexually assaulted. It was actually her second time. Some of her "friencds" dragged her into a park...I won't go into the rest. She didn't tell on them nor tell us until long, long after she quit. You can't protect her by letting her stay at home, although that is your choice. You CAN get into trouble if somebody calls the cops (like a friend's parent) and they find drugs in YOUR house. As long as you are afraid of angering your daughter, she is not going to quit doing anything.</p><p></p><p>None of my kids had a good allowance. We barely get by. There is no allowance in my house. My kids get part time jobs at age sixteen. All of my grown kids have great work ethics because of it! They all work hard. Only one did drugs and never mentioned finances as a reason. She actually had a part-time job at Walmart. She is twenty-nine today and has her own house with her SO of elevin years and is expecting a baby. She is doing really well. But I digress... Your daughter is learning that she can break the law anytime she wants extra money.Has she heard of a job? You do know that dealing drugs pays way better than being a Vet Tech, right? Do you think your daughter will be satisfied? Hon, I don't want to hurt or scare you, but what if your daughter decides it's best to be a prostitute to make a buck? She needs somebody to crack down on her and make her live a responsible life. It isn't good in my opinion to think it is ok to risk herself to make money.</p><p></p><p>Personally I found therapists useless. My daughter "played" them and they told us worthless advice like we should trust her more, which was ridiculous. My daughter threw that at us and we said we disagreed and that she had to give us a reason to trust her. I think you'll get more productive, helpful advice from people in the drug world. If you want to use a professional, I'd talk to somebody who understands drug addiction...a drug counselor maybe.</p><p></p><p>I called the police twice on my daughter. She quit using. She started using at age twelve and quit when she was nineteen. And she at least felt bad about using drugs. Your daughter is acting like she doesn't even feel bad about it. And, trust me, she is not just selling to her friends. As my daughter says, "Never trust a drug user. They lie." She lied too. She would look me straight in the eyes, be crying, and be lying.</p><p></p><p>Did your daughter apologize to you? Promise to do better? Ask for help? No. You apologized to her although actually you had been very mild about your reaction. I would have threatened that she quit or I'd call the cops because I loved her and don't want her to keep endangering herself...(I'd put it that way). Sure, she'd scream and leave, but.....do you really want her to keep doing this? Do you want this to be her life? Hey, you can not control her, but you don't have to be a part of enabling her self-destruction. I used to think about how guilty I'd feel if I didn't do anything I could to make my daughter's self-destruction very hard on her...</p><p></p><p>You don't need to answer here on this forum. Just think it over yourself.</p><p></p><p>Have you read the article we post here on detachment?</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I'm so sorry...really sorry...you have to go through this. I do feel you need to get tough in order to see an attempt in your daughter to change and THAT is what will keep her safer. I wouldn't ever give her money! She will use it for drugs.</p><p></p><p>More hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 616433, member: 1550"] Ok. Wait a second.\ Um, my daughter tried that. I told her I had searched her room. She started whining about the privacy thing and I told her she had broken MY trust and that this was my house and if s he wanted privacy she would have to earn it back and that it would be hard. My daughter lived at home, but she WAS sexually assaulted. It was actually her second time. Some of her "friencds" dragged her into a park...I won't go into the rest. She didn't tell on them nor tell us until long, long after she quit. You can't protect her by letting her stay at home, although that is your choice. You CAN get into trouble if somebody calls the cops (like a friend's parent) and they find drugs in YOUR house. As long as you are afraid of angering your daughter, she is not going to quit doing anything. None of my kids had a good allowance. We barely get by. There is no allowance in my house. My kids get part time jobs at age sixteen. All of my grown kids have great work ethics because of it! They all work hard. Only one did drugs and never mentioned finances as a reason. She actually had a part-time job at Walmart. She is twenty-nine today and has her own house with her SO of elevin years and is expecting a baby. She is doing really well. But I digress... Your daughter is learning that she can break the law anytime she wants extra money.Has she heard of a job? You do know that dealing drugs pays way better than being a Vet Tech, right? Do you think your daughter will be satisfied? Hon, I don't want to hurt or scare you, but what if your daughter decides it's best to be a prostitute to make a buck? She needs somebody to crack down on her and make her live a responsible life. It isn't good in my opinion to think it is ok to risk herself to make money. Personally I found therapists useless. My daughter "played" them and they told us worthless advice like we should trust her more, which was ridiculous. My daughter threw that at us and we said we disagreed and that she had to give us a reason to trust her. I think you'll get more productive, helpful advice from people in the drug world. If you want to use a professional, I'd talk to somebody who understands drug addiction...a drug counselor maybe. I called the police twice on my daughter. She quit using. She started using at age twelve and quit when she was nineteen. And she at least felt bad about using drugs. Your daughter is acting like she doesn't even feel bad about it. And, trust me, she is not just selling to her friends. As my daughter says, "Never trust a drug user. They lie." She lied too. She would look me straight in the eyes, be crying, and be lying. Did your daughter apologize to you? Promise to do better? Ask for help? No. You apologized to her although actually you had been very mild about your reaction. I would have threatened that she quit or I'd call the cops because I loved her and don't want her to keep endangering herself...(I'd put it that way). Sure, she'd scream and leave, but.....do you really want her to keep doing this? Do you want this to be her life? Hey, you can not control her, but you don't have to be a part of enabling her self-destruction. I used to think about how guilty I'd feel if I didn't do anything I could to make my daughter's self-destruction very hard on her... You don't need to answer here on this forum. Just think it over yourself. Have you read the article we post here on detachment? Hugs and I'm so sorry...really sorry...you have to go through this. I do feel you need to get tough in order to see an attempt in your daughter to change and THAT is what will keep her safer. I wouldn't ever give her money! She will use it for drugs. More hugs. [/QUOTE]
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