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My worst nightmare has happened
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<blockquote data-quote="Sabine" data-source="post: 619734" data-attributes="member: 17639"><p>Sad in the South...</p><p></p><p>It actually sounds like you're actively creating much of your current stress. Your daughter is working, so you visit her at her workplace. You're checking on facebook for updates.</p><p></p><p>My impression is your daughter is trying to go out and do her own thing, and you (being the concerned parent) are keeping tabs and worrying. </p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do right now is to write down the one helpful thing you can do, do that, then just let it all go. </p><p></p><p>The one thing? Get the phone # and address of your local social services office. Tell your daughter the information. Now you're done.</p><p></p><p>Social services will help her find all the programs that she might need or want. Food stamps, Wic, temporary cash assistance, drug and alcohol treatment, INSURANCE for pregnant women and children, local pregnancy support centers, etc.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult now, and it's up to her to find the help she needs. Keep all other contact with her to a recreational (not work) level. If you schedule a day once a month to contact her for a good time (both before and after the baby is born), then you'll find that you can just settle back and be a grandma without the daily fret.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter should be free to contact YOU other days, but if she starts begging money or favors that you're unprepared to provide, put a stop to it right away. "Just say no" is a wonderful slogan for strained grandparents <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Just steer her back to social services.</p><p></p><p>Social services is not a place to be embarrassed about. Quite the contrary. Their programs are designed to help adults (of all ages, but particularly the young ones) make the transition from a cared-for lifestyle (mommy and daddy take care of me), to an independent lifestyle (I can take care of myself). </p><p></p><p>If the programs weren't there, it would result in much greater costs to society. People that are hungry will be desperate. They might resort to major crimes to get the food they need. No one would be safe. Children would go to bed hungry and suffering.</p><p></p><p>The programs are there to alleviate the burden to YOU, the parents of adult children. Your time/energy is needed to be spent preparing yourself for retirement, NOT raising the next generation. </p><p></p><p>Say it to yourself: Raising grandchildren is not my job. Make it your mantra. Grandchildren can be a joy, if you let them <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sabine, post: 619734, member: 17639"] Sad in the South... It actually sounds like you're actively creating much of your current stress. Your daughter is working, so you visit her at her workplace. You're checking on facebook for updates. My impression is your daughter is trying to go out and do her own thing, and you (being the concerned parent) are keeping tabs and worrying. The best thing you can do right now is to write down the one helpful thing you can do, do that, then just let it all go. The one thing? Get the phone # and address of your local social services office. Tell your daughter the information. Now you're done. Social services will help her find all the programs that she might need or want. Food stamps, Wic, temporary cash assistance, drug and alcohol treatment, INSURANCE for pregnant women and children, local pregnancy support centers, etc. Your daughter is an adult now, and it's up to her to find the help she needs. Keep all other contact with her to a recreational (not work) level. If you schedule a day once a month to contact her for a good time (both before and after the baby is born), then you'll find that you can just settle back and be a grandma without the daily fret. Your daughter should be free to contact YOU other days, but if she starts begging money or favors that you're unprepared to provide, put a stop to it right away. "Just say no" is a wonderful slogan for strained grandparents ;) Just steer her back to social services. Social services is not a place to be embarrassed about. Quite the contrary. Their programs are designed to help adults (of all ages, but particularly the young ones) make the transition from a cared-for lifestyle (mommy and daddy take care of me), to an independent lifestyle (I can take care of myself). If the programs weren't there, it would result in much greater costs to society. People that are hungry will be desperate. They might resort to major crimes to get the food they need. No one would be safe. Children would go to bed hungry and suffering. The programs are there to alleviate the burden to YOU, the parents of adult children. Your time/energy is needed to be spent preparing yourself for retirement, NOT raising the next generation. Say it to yourself: Raising grandchildren is not my job. Make it your mantra. Grandchildren can be a joy, if you let them ;) Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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