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Narcissistic Son
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<blockquote data-quote="LookingForPeace" data-source="post: 748806" data-attributes="member: 22674"><p>All:</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your comments, insight and support! In short, the dinner went well. He still "talks in circles", has BIG plans that make little sense that I doubt will come to fruition and is ALWAYS the victim. It's <u><em>almost</em></u> comical. Previously I was in the conduct disorder forum but was suggested to come over here. Here is my backstory (sorry, it's a little long).</p><p></p><p>Adopted 3 children from Russia as young toddlers (16-20months of age). They are now 19 (boy), 18 (boy), 15 (girl) years old. The 19 & 15 year old are wonderful, fun loving, great kids. They make sound decisions, are strong in their faith and truly a joy to be around. Our 18 year old, whom I will call E, is our problem child. We had been in therapy with him for years and tried countless parenting techniques. He was unofficially diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, conduct disorder, narcissistic tendencies, etc. </p><p></p><p>E was a wonderful youngster. He was "happy go lucky", had a lot of friends, was invited to all the parties, easy to compromise with. Little did we know this wasn't actually good. At age 10 it was like a switch had been flipped. He was sneaky, didn't want to do anything with the family, would say hurtful things that came off as though he didn't really know the full meaning of what he was saying, lies, sabotage relationships. As he grew older he became more savvy at all of this. E began to run away from home, thrived on drama, wouldn't follow any home rules, flunking school, would talk about suicide, always had a girlfriend but seducing others on the side, told grandiose lies, addicted to porn. At age 16 we could no longer handle him and knew it was only a matter of time before he would end up in jail. We decided to send him to an all boys boarding school. He thrived! Ranked up, became a leader. The staff thought he was great. He has ZERO feelings. You could give him a gift of new socks, or tickets to an NFL game and the reaction would be the same. You could show him a picture of a puppy or a picture of a horrific car crash and the same reaction. </p><p></p><p>After he graduated HS from the boarding school we told him he was not able to live in our home. He needed to get a plan and we would help him. His plan was to move in with a buddy and his family in the state of WA. They had a job for him. We gave E a sum of money to get him started. We flew with him, met family, got him settled. 3 days later he texted to say he decided to move to CO to stay with a different buddy. WHAT!?! He stayed with CO family for about 2 months. Told CO family he was searching for a job, couldn't find one. Basically spent the summer on their couch. They discovered his lies. He moved out and couch surfed. Then found a girlfriend that could supply his "fix". The girlfriend and her family think he's great! He does not communicate with us. He chooses to update his status on FB when he wants us to know something and then we are supposed to reach out to him.</p><p></p><p>So...we went to dinner. Spent 90 minutes with him. We did not invite him to the house. He did not ask 1 question of his sister. 19yo brother refused to attend. E told us how much he loves his job, name dropped, told us how important he is, will probably get a new vehicle, might move to OH, going to stay at his job for at least 3 years then become a cop, etc. We just said, great, awesome, good for you. Thanked him for making time for us. Gave him some cash and told him to have a great vacation with his girlfriend. Afterwards we received a beautiful text message thanking us for the money and apologizing for his bad behavior all these years. FAKE! But, at least I feel stronger for recognizing his games and not getting sucked back in. It just makes me sad that he is not capable of having a normal relationship. I feel bad for his girlfriend. He will use her until he's done with her and then move on.</p><p></p><p>Again, thank you ALL for listening and sharing your advice. It's greatly appreciated!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LookingForPeace, post: 748806, member: 22674"] All: Thank you so much for your comments, insight and support! In short, the dinner went well. He still "talks in circles", has BIG plans that make little sense that I doubt will come to fruition and is ALWAYS the victim. It's [U][I]almost[/I][/U] comical. Previously I was in the conduct disorder forum but was suggested to come over here. Here is my backstory (sorry, it's a little long). Adopted 3 children from Russia as young toddlers (16-20months of age). They are now 19 (boy), 18 (boy), 15 (girl) years old. The 19 & 15 year old are wonderful, fun loving, great kids. They make sound decisions, are strong in their faith and truly a joy to be around. Our 18 year old, whom I will call E, is our problem child. We had been in therapy with him for years and tried countless parenting techniques. He was unofficially diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, conduct disorder, narcissistic tendencies, etc. E was a wonderful youngster. He was "happy go lucky", had a lot of friends, was invited to all the parties, easy to compromise with. Little did we know this wasn't actually good. At age 10 it was like a switch had been flipped. He was sneaky, didn't want to do anything with the family, would say hurtful things that came off as though he didn't really know the full meaning of what he was saying, lies, sabotage relationships. As he grew older he became more savvy at all of this. E began to run away from home, thrived on drama, wouldn't follow any home rules, flunking school, would talk about suicide, always had a girlfriend but seducing others on the side, told grandiose lies, addicted to porn. At age 16 we could no longer handle him and knew it was only a matter of time before he would end up in jail. We decided to send him to an all boys boarding school. He thrived! Ranked up, became a leader. The staff thought he was great. He has ZERO feelings. You could give him a gift of new socks, or tickets to an NFL game and the reaction would be the same. You could show him a picture of a puppy or a picture of a horrific car crash and the same reaction. After he graduated HS from the boarding school we told him he was not able to live in our home. He needed to get a plan and we would help him. His plan was to move in with a buddy and his family in the state of WA. They had a job for him. We gave E a sum of money to get him started. We flew with him, met family, got him settled. 3 days later he texted to say he decided to move to CO to stay with a different buddy. WHAT!?! He stayed with CO family for about 2 months. Told CO family he was searching for a job, couldn't find one. Basically spent the summer on their couch. They discovered his lies. He moved out and couch surfed. Then found a girlfriend that could supply his "fix". The girlfriend and her family think he's great! He does not communicate with us. He chooses to update his status on FB when he wants us to know something and then we are supposed to reach out to him. So...we went to dinner. Spent 90 minutes with him. We did not invite him to the house. He did not ask 1 question of his sister. 19yo brother refused to attend. E told us how much he loves his job, name dropped, told us how important he is, will probably get a new vehicle, might move to OH, going to stay at his job for at least 3 years then become a cop, etc. We just said, great, awesome, good for you. Thanked him for making time for us. Gave him some cash and told him to have a great vacation with his girlfriend. Afterwards we received a beautiful text message thanking us for the money and apologizing for his bad behavior all these years. FAKE! But, at least I feel stronger for recognizing his games and not getting sucked back in. It just makes me sad that he is not capable of having a normal relationship. I feel bad for his girlfriend. He will use her until he's done with her and then move on. Again, thank you ALL for listening and sharing your advice. It's greatly appreciated! [/QUOTE]
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