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General Parenting
natural consequences vs.?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 432820" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am coming into this late, and I don't quite understand the situation. The initial post seemed to say, to me at least, that difficult child had NOT gotten a level one report in the ten days, but instead a letter came home saying that through the year he had gotten so many that he may be sent to a different school for kids with behavior problems.</p><p></p><p>If that is the case, it does NOT reflect on his behavior during the ten day period of the deal. he has NO control over when the school sent out that letter - it was NOT the result of his behavior during the contract. It was sent then due to timing of the administration - sent when they got around to it, NOT when he earned the last level one.</p><p></p><p>If I am correct in this, the boy HAS earned his mp3 player just like his bro. Of course the letter is a blow esp to a parent, but it has NOTHING to do with the contract. NOTHING. and it shoudl NOT be held against difficult child because it was NOT sent due to his behavior during the contract.</p><p></p><p>Now if I am wrong and he did get a level one and this letter came with it, then he should NOT get the mp3 player. You do NEED to confirm with school that no level ones were sent during that time period - he would not be the first difficult child to throw away a note of some kind from school.</p><p></p><p>As for easy child, if he meets the goal then he gets the mp3 player. No need to make a big fuss. No need to hide it. Hiding it will just say that nothing easy child does can be rewarded publicly because he is not as worthy of public praise as difficult child and if he does something to earn praise it must be hidden because he does not matter as much as difficult child - his reward and good behavior means less than not upsetting difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Don't get all mad. I KNOW that you do NOT think or feel this way. You just don't. But this IS what both easy child and difficult child will get from giving easy child his reward on the sly as was suggested above. I am not saying to make a big deal out of it - unless you would have done that if difficult child had earned it. Just handle easy child's reward the way you would handle it if difficult child earned it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 432820, member: 1233"] I am coming into this late, and I don't quite understand the situation. The initial post seemed to say, to me at least, that difficult child had NOT gotten a level one report in the ten days, but instead a letter came home saying that through the year he had gotten so many that he may be sent to a different school for kids with behavior problems. If that is the case, it does NOT reflect on his behavior during the ten day period of the deal. he has NO control over when the school sent out that letter - it was NOT the result of his behavior during the contract. It was sent then due to timing of the administration - sent when they got around to it, NOT when he earned the last level one. If I am correct in this, the boy HAS earned his mp3 player just like his bro. Of course the letter is a blow esp to a parent, but it has NOTHING to do with the contract. NOTHING. and it shoudl NOT be held against difficult child because it was NOT sent due to his behavior during the contract. Now if I am wrong and he did get a level one and this letter came with it, then he should NOT get the mp3 player. You do NEED to confirm with school that no level ones were sent during that time period - he would not be the first difficult child to throw away a note of some kind from school. As for easy child, if he meets the goal then he gets the mp3 player. No need to make a big fuss. No need to hide it. Hiding it will just say that nothing easy child does can be rewarded publicly because he is not as worthy of public praise as difficult child and if he does something to earn praise it must be hidden because he does not matter as much as difficult child - his reward and good behavior means less than not upsetting difficult child. Don't get all mad. I KNOW that you do NOT think or feel this way. You just don't. But this IS what both easy child and difficult child will get from giving easy child his reward on the sly as was suggested above. I am not saying to make a big deal out of it - unless you would have done that if difficult child had earned it. Just handle easy child's reward the way you would handle it if difficult child earned it. [/QUOTE]
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