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NC: What ARE my options??
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 430949" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If she hurts you or ANYONE, call the police and insist on pressing charges. If she destroys anything at all, call the police and press charges for vandalism and/or destruction of private property. IF the cops try to tell you that you cannot, insist on speaking to the chief of police and ask WHY this girl is allowed to hurt you/destroy your home just because you are her parents? Insist that they do something and call them the next time she does something. </p><p></p><p>You do NOT have to let her have all the things she wants. Go into her room and remove everything that you do not want her to have. She is a minor and legally CANNOT own something because that is a contract and minors cannot sign contracts legally. So take out everything but her mattress, a blanket and sheet and pillow, 7 outfits of YOUR choosing - choose ones that she would NOT choose herself, and leave school books. There has to be a lamp or ceiling light and one pair of shoes. That is IT. EVERYTHING else is at YOUR discretion and you do NOT choose to let someone who hurts you have anything but the minimum. Food in the home is the basics - nourishing but not "good" or "fancy". Lock any treats up in your room. Make sure you have sturdy doors and locks on them to any bedroom but hers and any other room but the main ones. She wants to go to school? She can have an outfit after she has attended for X days to prove she will go. She wants music? She can earn the right by behaving appropriately for a week or month. She wants a cell phone? She can earn that by finishing school with passing or better grades. She watns soft toilet paper? get a job and buy your own. </p><p></p><p>She brings drugs into your home? You call the police and press charges. It is a pain and will be like living in an armed camp for a while. But she will either leave on her own or she will shape up. If seh leaves you provide ehr with NOTHING, she fends for herself in the real world, living iwth her choices. Chances are that if you report her as a runaway they will NOT look for her or make her return. But you MUST report her every time she misses curfew, etc... so that you won't be responsible if she damages something. Usually if they are reported as runaways they are then responsible for their own things. You do NOT have a responsibility to provide luxuries for her, just the basics that the state provides to foster kids. </p><p></p><p>Enough reports for ddestruction of property, running away, domestic violence and the police will have to take her before a judge. It will take several trips to court for the court to do anything, but eventually they will. You just have to hang in until they do. Chances are huge that drugs are an issue, so you can ask the court to send her to rehab if you think it will help. She has to be caught with drugs several times usually for them to do this. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE go to the area domestic violence center and get help. What she is doing to you and the family is domestic violence and when enough of us go to these places for help they will ALL wise up and start providing more help for us and our kids. It is HARD to shake the patterns when you have gotten itno them the way you have, but it is important to get help NOW. I got a lot of help from our dv center after I made my son leave our home because he was beating me. The help was all free, including weekly therapy individually and in group sessions. I was the first parent who went to our center, but was NOT the last one. You truly ARE a victim of domestic violence.</p><p></p><p>In fact, push the police to charge her with dv when she hurts someone at home. It usually carries different sentences and fines and this can include mandatory therapy and jail time depending on where you are. </p><p></p><p>Narc anon or alanon would also be helpful as I am sure that drugs and alcohol play a role in her behavior. These create problems in the entire family and if teh entire family doesn't get help the problem will not go away.</p><p></p><p>Sending lots of hugs. This isn't at all fun or easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 430949, member: 1233"] If she hurts you or ANYONE, call the police and insist on pressing charges. If she destroys anything at all, call the police and press charges for vandalism and/or destruction of private property. IF the cops try to tell you that you cannot, insist on speaking to the chief of police and ask WHY this girl is allowed to hurt you/destroy your home just because you are her parents? Insist that they do something and call them the next time she does something. You do NOT have to let her have all the things she wants. Go into her room and remove everything that you do not want her to have. She is a minor and legally CANNOT own something because that is a contract and minors cannot sign contracts legally. So take out everything but her mattress, a blanket and sheet and pillow, 7 outfits of YOUR choosing - choose ones that she would NOT choose herself, and leave school books. There has to be a lamp or ceiling light and one pair of shoes. That is IT. EVERYTHING else is at YOUR discretion and you do NOT choose to let someone who hurts you have anything but the minimum. Food in the home is the basics - nourishing but not "good" or "fancy". Lock any treats up in your room. Make sure you have sturdy doors and locks on them to any bedroom but hers and any other room but the main ones. She wants to go to school? She can have an outfit after she has attended for X days to prove she will go. She wants music? She can earn the right by behaving appropriately for a week or month. She wants a cell phone? She can earn that by finishing school with passing or better grades. She watns soft toilet paper? get a job and buy your own. She brings drugs into your home? You call the police and press charges. It is a pain and will be like living in an armed camp for a while. But she will either leave on her own or she will shape up. If seh leaves you provide ehr with NOTHING, she fends for herself in the real world, living iwth her choices. Chances are that if you report her as a runaway they will NOT look for her or make her return. But you MUST report her every time she misses curfew, etc... so that you won't be responsible if she damages something. Usually if they are reported as runaways they are then responsible for their own things. You do NOT have a responsibility to provide luxuries for her, just the basics that the state provides to foster kids. Enough reports for ddestruction of property, running away, domestic violence and the police will have to take her before a judge. It will take several trips to court for the court to do anything, but eventually they will. You just have to hang in until they do. Chances are huge that drugs are an issue, so you can ask the court to send her to rehab if you think it will help. She has to be caught with drugs several times usually for them to do this. PLEASE go to the area domestic violence center and get help. What she is doing to you and the family is domestic violence and when enough of us go to these places for help they will ALL wise up and start providing more help for us and our kids. It is HARD to shake the patterns when you have gotten itno them the way you have, but it is important to get help NOW. I got a lot of help from our dv center after I made my son leave our home because he was beating me. The help was all free, including weekly therapy individually and in group sessions. I was the first parent who went to our center, but was NOT the last one. You truly ARE a victim of domestic violence. In fact, push the police to charge her with dv when she hurts someone at home. It usually carries different sentences and fines and this can include mandatory therapy and jail time depending on where you are. Narc anon or alanon would also be helpful as I am sure that drugs and alcohol play a role in her behavior. These create problems in the entire family and if teh entire family doesn't get help the problem will not go away. Sending lots of hugs. This isn't at all fun or easy. [/QUOTE]
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