There is helping an adult child who is helping himself. That is one thing. There is even helping a child more than once.
And then, there is enabling.
The line between helping and enabling is paper thin, at first.
Enabling is the beginning of turning our children into beggars, into people who have been taught that if only the story is sad enough, money and housing and cars and etc will fall like manna from Heaven. Enabling is when helping doesn't help. The kids spend our money or whatever money they do have on drugs or gambling or whatever it is and expect us to keep taking care of them. So, what started out as kindness and decency and lending a helping hand ~ which is something all of us needs at times ~ turns into us somehow funding the very drug habit that is destroying our families and killing our kids.
What our kids need us to teach them is to take care of and provide for themselves.
That is where true freedom and independence are found. I don't know another way to get the kids started than to say: NO MONEY. NO YOU CANNOT MOVE HOME.
It isn't pleasant. It is not an easy thing to do. But if we ever want our children to be able to take care of themselves, we have to do it.
We have to try.
That is how I see it.
Have you talked with your priest or minister about this?
Cedar
