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Need adoption advice for child with ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 469089" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>After reading your last post, I strongly recommend you not do it. He is dangerous to others and was sexually abused. For all you know he sexually acts out already. How old are your OTHER kids? What if he got a knife and held it to their throats (our adopted son did this and my kids did exactly what he told them to do because they believed he would do it and he could have). He killed two of our dogs in a very cold way, although we didn't know for sure that it was him at first...he blamed it on some racist neighbors and we were unsure. But when my youngest started getting yeast infections...well, that was happening too much for one so young...he admitted he had sexually abused her in the worst possible way (use your imagination) and it had gone on for a long time. He also did this to the two boys. We also think he killed a cat who mysteriously disappeared and my daughter says she saw him trying to choke a neighbor's cat, but when Daughter spotted him he let it go. There are three big red flags for budding sociopathy:</p><p>1/pooping and peeing inappropriately (our child did it all over the house, in closets, etc...then blamed it on the dog)</p><p></p><p>2/Interest/fascination with fire (we found out after R. left that he used to love to set little fires on the rug in his room and he'd play with matches, scaring the younger kids, telling them if they told on him he'd burn the house down)</p><p></p><p>3/Cruelty to animals</p><p></p><p>Since I've been there done that, I always tell people who want to adopt and have other children that it is safest for their other kids if they only adopt infants. The younger the better. If your foster son saw his sibling die, this child is going to struggle all of his life...and do you really want ALL of you to do that? </p><p></p><p>I have learned that we can't save every child. When we adopted our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child, we did not know he had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). His profile was very mild with no behavioral issues. He was good at holding it in and his ex-foster mom thought he was a great kid. We wanted to share our loving home with an older boy of color as they have the hardest time finding families. It was the biggest mistake of our lives. We did not help him by adopting him. And he almost destroyed everybody else. We are doing well now, but he is not a part of our lives and nobody misses him. I guess this is when hub and I learned that love is not enough and that we can't save them all. We never fostered or adopted again.</p><p></p><p>Hugs...hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 469089, member: 1550"] After reading your last post, I strongly recommend you not do it. He is dangerous to others and was sexually abused. For all you know he sexually acts out already. How old are your OTHER kids? What if he got a knife and held it to their throats (our adopted son did this and my kids did exactly what he told them to do because they believed he would do it and he could have). He killed two of our dogs in a very cold way, although we didn't know for sure that it was him at first...he blamed it on some racist neighbors and we were unsure. But when my youngest started getting yeast infections...well, that was happening too much for one so young...he admitted he had sexually abused her in the worst possible way (use your imagination) and it had gone on for a long time. He also did this to the two boys. We also think he killed a cat who mysteriously disappeared and my daughter says she saw him trying to choke a neighbor's cat, but when Daughter spotted him he let it go. There are three big red flags for budding sociopathy: 1/pooping and peeing inappropriately (our child did it all over the house, in closets, etc...then blamed it on the dog) 2/Interest/fascination with fire (we found out after R. left that he used to love to set little fires on the rug in his room and he'd play with matches, scaring the younger kids, telling them if they told on him he'd burn the house down) 3/Cruelty to animals Since I've been there done that, I always tell people who want to adopt and have other children that it is safest for their other kids if they only adopt infants. The younger the better. If your foster son saw his sibling die, this child is going to struggle all of his life...and do you really want ALL of you to do that? I have learned that we can't save every child. When we adopted our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child, we did not know he had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). His profile was very mild with no behavioral issues. He was good at holding it in and his ex-foster mom thought he was a great kid. We wanted to share our loving home with an older boy of color as they have the hardest time finding families. It was the biggest mistake of our lives. We did not help him by adopting him. And he almost destroyed everybody else. We are doing well now, but he is not a part of our lives and nobody misses him. I guess this is when hub and I learned that love is not enough and that we can't save them all. We never fostered or adopted again. Hugs...hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make. [/QUOTE]
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