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Need adoption advice for child with ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 469177" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sending caring hugs your way. I have never fostered or adopted but I did court volunteer work for years as a GAL. I was saddened by the system's methods of insisting on joint placement, underidentifying severe issues etc. In some cases I believed it was ignorance on the part of authorities. Sadly in other cases I was sure, and am still sure, that it was a method used to manipulate foster/adopt families. Love does not conquer all. If it did this CD family would likely not exist because many of us have dedicated out lives to difficult child's...and have relinquished quality of life for out other blood related children.</p><p></p><p>I have yet to know a foster/adopt family with a major difficult child who looks back at their choice to become "a forever home" with happiness. Some have coped better than others but joyful is rarely the description. The dysfunction does not end at eighteen either.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband are the only ones who can make the decision that is right for your entire family. Although one of the CD family members accurately described that you have to "contract" with the State to cover future hospitalizations, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s etc. we have very loving, kind members who took on challenged children and the State is not and will not provide the services that they agreed to provide at the time of adoption. One of our older members is a saint. She is now facing adult placement issues and is getting thwarted at every turn. On a regular basis she is being encouraged to care for her almost adult children "with outside supports" and as much as she loves her difficult child's she is no longer financially nor physically capable of doing so. Government ends up looking at the economic bottom line more and more closely each year. I would not trust any promises.</p><p></p><p>I am sending caring supportive thoughts your way. I'm sorry that you were misinformed. Relocation may give you the opportunity to make changes toward normalcy. Hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 469177, member: 35"] Sending caring hugs your way. I have never fostered or adopted but I did court volunteer work for years as a GAL. I was saddened by the system's methods of insisting on joint placement, underidentifying severe issues etc. In some cases I believed it was ignorance on the part of authorities. Sadly in other cases I was sure, and am still sure, that it was a method used to manipulate foster/adopt families. Love does not conquer all. If it did this CD family would likely not exist because many of us have dedicated out lives to difficult child's...and have relinquished quality of life for out other blood related children. I have yet to know a foster/adopt family with a major difficult child who looks back at their choice to become "a forever home" with happiness. Some have coped better than others but joyful is rarely the description. The dysfunction does not end at eighteen either. You and your husband are the only ones who can make the decision that is right for your entire family. Although one of the CD family members accurately described that you have to "contract" with the State to cover future hospitalizations, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s etc. we have very loving, kind members who took on challenged children and the State is not and will not provide the services that they agreed to provide at the time of adoption. One of our older members is a saint. She is now facing adult placement issues and is getting thwarted at every turn. On a regular basis she is being encouraged to care for her almost adult children "with outside supports" and as much as she loves her difficult child's she is no longer financially nor physically capable of doing so. Government ends up looking at the economic bottom line more and more closely each year. I would not trust any promises. I am sending caring supportive thoughts your way. I'm sorry that you were misinformed. Relocation may give you the opportunity to make changes toward normalcy. Hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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