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Need adoption advice for child with ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 469685" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>I was a foster parent also. I fostered 22 children and we adopted 2 of them. Both of my adopted children had problems but the youngest has put us through hell. He was 4 by the time he was free for adoption and had been with us since he was three months. We loved him and we felt that with all his problems no one else would give him a chance. He was ODD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and had physical deformities. Truthfully, I had misgivings, but a firm belief that love would work miracles along with a good dose of guilt of what his life would be like if we let him go fuled our push for adoption. The problem? We didn't ask the question what adopting him would do to the family. We never even considered it.</p><p></p><p>The result? He has broken both my heart and my bones. He has also broken the hearts of my husband and of his siblings.</p><p></p><p>I still love him with all my heart but... if I could go back and redo it? In all honesty I would spare my other children the chaos and pain that he brought to us. We did everything we could to help him. We spent fortunes on doctors, private schools, tutors, counsiling, special summer camps etc, When he got into trouble we spent another fortune for lawyers and court fees. </p><p>I could write two or more books on my experiences raising him up and people would probably think they were fiction. </p><p></p><p>There is no question that I still love him with my whole heart. I am sad that his life has been so difficult and he is so very lost. I morn what his life could have been and all the lost opportunities and dreams. </p><p></p><p>There is something I mourn even more though. It is the lost quality time that I could have spent with my other children, the lost health that I suffer due to the tremendous load of stress he put me under, the lost financial security that would allow my husband to retire before age 70. The truth is that we did everything to save this child but he was lost anyway and he wasn't the only casualty. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes we do need to lead with our heads instead of our hearts. Do not feel guilty should you choose not to keep this child. It is ok to save the many instead of the one. Hard, yes but still ok. </p><p></p><p>As for his sister, Dss does seperate siblings if it is in their best intrest. I had a few that were placed separetly. Make a good case for it and maybe you will be allowed. If not, then know that it just wasn't ment to be. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 469685, member: 2315"] I was a foster parent also. I fostered 22 children and we adopted 2 of them. Both of my adopted children had problems but the youngest has put us through hell. He was 4 by the time he was free for adoption and had been with us since he was three months. We loved him and we felt that with all his problems no one else would give him a chance. He was ODD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and had physical deformities. Truthfully, I had misgivings, but a firm belief that love would work miracles along with a good dose of guilt of what his life would be like if we let him go fuled our push for adoption. The problem? We didn't ask the question what adopting him would do to the family. We never even considered it. The result? He has broken both my heart and my bones. He has also broken the hearts of my husband and of his siblings. I still love him with all my heart but... if I could go back and redo it? In all honesty I would spare my other children the chaos and pain that he brought to us. We did everything we could to help him. We spent fortunes on doctors, private schools, tutors, counsiling, special summer camps etc, When he got into trouble we spent another fortune for lawyers and court fees. I could write two or more books on my experiences raising him up and people would probably think they were fiction. There is no question that I still love him with my whole heart. I am sad that his life has been so difficult and he is so very lost. I morn what his life could have been and all the lost opportunities and dreams. There is something I mourn even more though. It is the lost quality time that I could have spent with my other children, the lost health that I suffer due to the tremendous load of stress he put me under, the lost financial security that would allow my husband to retire before age 70. The truth is that we did everything to save this child but he was lost anyway and he wasn't the only casualty. Sometimes we do need to lead with our heads instead of our hearts. Do not feel guilty should you choose not to keep this child. It is ok to save the many instead of the one. Hard, yes but still ok. As for his sister, Dss does seperate siblings if it is in their best intrest. I had a few that were placed separetly. Make a good case for it and maybe you will be allowed. If not, then know that it just wasn't ment to be. -RM [/QUOTE]
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