Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need advice from this board haven't posted in months
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609969" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My 35 year old son (way to old to be depending so much on mommy) always says, "You have to support me. You're all I have." Well, I'm all he has because he is so unpleasant and has burned all of his bridges. Under no conditions...none...would I allow this middle age man, who is my adult son, to ever live with me again. I couldn't handle it and I do have a husband and three other children who are a lot nicer to me than he is. In fact, I don't know about YOUR son, but mine has made threats against me. So, at least in my case, it's a done deal. Even if he becomes homeless, he could not live here and my ex, his father, doesn't want him there either. </p><p></p><p>You are close to my age. Don't you think we deserve to enjoy this time of our lives and not have to care for our middle age difficult children? I think so. It's not always easy. I talk to him on the phone way more than I should or prefer. I do feel sorry for him as he has mental health issues, but he really does need to grow up. Sometimes when he is talking, I put him on speakerphone and do other things and just say "Uh huh" and not really listen to him. Other times I just put the phone down. If I get too tangled up in his drama, I can't move forward with the things I like to do and he consumes so much of my energy I don't have time to give anything to myself or anything else.</p><p></p><p>I have learned that it is imperative that we take care of ourselves and live good, fulfilling lives even if our grown children are making terrible choices and are dysfunctional. One thing I stopped long ago was giving him any money. I don't have much to give, but I won't even send him twenty dollars. He works, but is going through a custody battle with is bleeding his funds. Still, I don't believe in supporting kids that age. I hope you move on to take good care of yourself and understand that at the ages our sons are, NOBODY can help them or change them...nobody except them. We can control one person in this world...ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I have told my son his conversations with me are painful and he neither cares nor stops. So I have to be the one to do it. I would not overtalk to your son anymore. It isn't helping and it gives him a forum to either be abusive or act pathetic to pull at your heartstrings so you will enable him. Detachment 101...there is an article on it on this forum. Read it. I also think you should seek out a real life support group such as AA, NA or NAMI. This is hard to do alone and much easier when you are sharing the burden in real time with others who know exactly what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>Don't let your 33 year old son destroy your happiness. Do all you can to help YOURSELF because you can't help him. Sometimes private therapy is needed. I go to therapy and find it helpful. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and I hope you can hang in there and learn to have much joy in spite of this child. These grown difficult children can suck the life out of us if we let them. It is not worth it to let them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609969, member: 1550"] My 35 year old son (way to old to be depending so much on mommy) always says, "You have to support me. You're all I have." Well, I'm all he has because he is so unpleasant and has burned all of his bridges. Under no conditions...none...would I allow this middle age man, who is my adult son, to ever live with me again. I couldn't handle it and I do have a husband and three other children who are a lot nicer to me than he is. In fact, I don't know about YOUR son, but mine has made threats against me. So, at least in my case, it's a done deal. Even if he becomes homeless, he could not live here and my ex, his father, doesn't want him there either. You are close to my age. Don't you think we deserve to enjoy this time of our lives and not have to care for our middle age difficult children? I think so. It's not always easy. I talk to him on the phone way more than I should or prefer. I do feel sorry for him as he has mental health issues, but he really does need to grow up. Sometimes when he is talking, I put him on speakerphone and do other things and just say "Uh huh" and not really listen to him. Other times I just put the phone down. If I get too tangled up in his drama, I can't move forward with the things I like to do and he consumes so much of my energy I don't have time to give anything to myself or anything else. I have learned that it is imperative that we take care of ourselves and live good, fulfilling lives even if our grown children are making terrible choices and are dysfunctional. One thing I stopped long ago was giving him any money. I don't have much to give, but I won't even send him twenty dollars. He works, but is going through a custody battle with is bleeding his funds. Still, I don't believe in supporting kids that age. I hope you move on to take good care of yourself and understand that at the ages our sons are, NOBODY can help them or change them...nobody except them. We can control one person in this world...ourselves. I have told my son his conversations with me are painful and he neither cares nor stops. So I have to be the one to do it. I would not overtalk to your son anymore. It isn't helping and it gives him a forum to either be abusive or act pathetic to pull at your heartstrings so you will enable him. Detachment 101...there is an article on it on this forum. Read it. I also think you should seek out a real life support group such as AA, NA or NAMI. This is hard to do alone and much easier when you are sharing the burden in real time with others who know exactly what you are going through. Don't let your 33 year old son destroy your happiness. Do all you can to help YOURSELF because you can't help him. Sometimes private therapy is needed. I go to therapy and find it helpful. Hugs and I hope you can hang in there and learn to have much joy in spite of this child. These grown difficult children can suck the life out of us if we let them. It is not worth it to let them. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need advice from this board haven't posted in months
Top