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General Parenting
Need Advice on How to Deal with Teen Daughter Argument and Estrangement
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 399544" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Susie is absolutely right on this. I had laissez-faire parents, and I have no relationship at all with them as an adult. They didn't care enough about me to set any limits, provide discipline or guidance, or even suggest that something I was doing was a bad idea. I was left to figure it all out for myself.</p><p></p><p>I too second Susie's suggestions on strategies to follow with your daughter. She's running away from you, not speaking to you, ignoring you etc. because she knows it works. She sees your distress, sees you begging for crumbs of attention from her and it feeds into the power she's getting from the interaction. You need to follow the adage of "never let 'em see you sweat". You may be falling apart inside, but it's essential that you don't let it show. You need to be a rock, be consistent and maintain all the firm boundaries that your ex-h isn't providing. From the sounds of things, you are the only source of stability in your daughter's life, and she needs that more than ever, especially since she's behaving as though she doesn't.</p><p></p><p>Everything she's doing is a test of sorts. How can she push your buttons, and how far can she get you to go. If you call the police every time she runs away, remove all privileges and force her to earn them back from her behaviour, etc. she will learn that there are limits and boundaries, and that you will not allow yourself to be treated that way. By showing her that you respect yourself enough to insist on that, she will in time learn to respect you also. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this.</p><p>Sending a gentle hug your way. Glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 399544, member: 3907"] Susie is absolutely right on this. I had laissez-faire parents, and I have no relationship at all with them as an adult. They didn't care enough about me to set any limits, provide discipline or guidance, or even suggest that something I was doing was a bad idea. I was left to figure it all out for myself. I too second Susie's suggestions on strategies to follow with your daughter. She's running away from you, not speaking to you, ignoring you etc. because she knows it works. She sees your distress, sees you begging for crumbs of attention from her and it feeds into the power she's getting from the interaction. You need to follow the adage of "never let 'em see you sweat". You may be falling apart inside, but it's essential that you don't let it show. You need to be a rock, be consistent and maintain all the firm boundaries that your ex-h isn't providing. From the sounds of things, you are the only source of stability in your daughter's life, and she needs that more than ever, especially since she's behaving as though she doesn't. Everything she's doing is a test of sorts. How can she push your buttons, and how far can she get you to go. If you call the police every time she runs away, remove all privileges and force her to earn them back from her behaviour, etc. she will learn that there are limits and boundaries, and that you will not allow yourself to be treated that way. By showing her that you respect yourself enough to insist on that, she will in time learn to respect you also. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Sending a gentle hug your way. Glad you found us. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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Need Advice on How to Deal with Teen Daughter Argument and Estrangement
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