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Need advice regarding daughter in foster care.
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 414635" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I was a difficult teenager (due to a very difficult and complex home background, as well doubtless to my own passionate and intense temperament) and my mother was unable to cope with me and basically "rejected" me so that I had to go away to school. I felt a lot of blame and anger and profound hurt for many years, that I would say had serious impact on my later emotional life and decisions. But... now I am a parent myself of a "difficult" (and passionate and intense child), I understand much more of how overwhelming I must have seemed to her, and how unable to cope she felt. There have been times when I have felt unable to cope with my son and longed for someone to take him away... </p><p>No-one knows your exact situation, and your daughter's - one cannot judge it from the outside and with no knowledge of the highly personal circumstances you face. I do feel, though, that if it is at all possible, both you and your daughter would be most healed by being able to carry on together and for her to be able to live with you again, if you could receive help or therapy that would enable you to do so, and for you to feel supported, and for her to have another outlet for her pain and rage (I had a lot of that too, as a teenager...) I think this is the outcome that would lead to the least regret and damage for both of you. </p><p>The reason I stick my neck out and say that is because I think my mother and my relationship has never healed from that "decision" to send me away, not to have me at home, although we now have a relationship and although I have ostensibly "forgiven" her. It caused a hurt and a rift that would never fully close.</p><p>I don't like talking about these very personal things, close to home, very much - even on the anonymity of an internet forum! - but just wanted to share this because it may help. I do understand how very overwhelmed you feel by your daughter's behaviour and that you just cannot deal with it... I think we regret the things we turn away from, though, much more than the things we turn towards, however difficult... Blessings to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 414635, member: 11227"] I was a difficult teenager (due to a very difficult and complex home background, as well doubtless to my own passionate and intense temperament) and my mother was unable to cope with me and basically "rejected" me so that I had to go away to school. I felt a lot of blame and anger and profound hurt for many years, that I would say had serious impact on my later emotional life and decisions. But... now I am a parent myself of a "difficult" (and passionate and intense child), I understand much more of how overwhelming I must have seemed to her, and how unable to cope she felt. There have been times when I have felt unable to cope with my son and longed for someone to take him away... No-one knows your exact situation, and your daughter's - one cannot judge it from the outside and with no knowledge of the highly personal circumstances you face. I do feel, though, that if it is at all possible, both you and your daughter would be most healed by being able to carry on together and for her to be able to live with you again, if you could receive help or therapy that would enable you to do so, and for you to feel supported, and for her to have another outlet for her pain and rage (I had a lot of that too, as a teenager...) I think this is the outcome that would lead to the least regret and damage for both of you. The reason I stick my neck out and say that is because I think my mother and my relationship has never healed from that "decision" to send me away, not to have me at home, although we now have a relationship and although I have ostensibly "forgiven" her. It caused a hurt and a rift that would never fully close. I don't like talking about these very personal things, close to home, very much - even on the anonymity of an internet forum! - but just wanted to share this because it may help. I do understand how very overwhelmed you feel by your daughter's behaviour and that you just cannot deal with it... I think we regret the things we turn away from, though, much more than the things we turn towards, however difficult... Blessings to you. [/QUOTE]
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Need advice regarding daughter in foster care.
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