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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 636759" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>M---I am sorry about your niece. From her age, I would imagine your family has been at this all with her for years. And if her patterns are like my son's actions and behaviors, there has been a lot of drama for a long time. </p><p></p><p>One of the healthy behaviors many of us have had to learn is to mind our own business. When I first heard that statement at an Alanon meeting I was taken aback. My son was my business! I'm his mother right? </p><p></p><p>Wrong. Once someone is a grown adult, what they do is their business and their responsibility. This was very hard for me for a long time and sometimes it still is. </p><p></p><p>In this case you are talking about, I think you have gotten good advice from the other posters here. </p><p></p><p>It is hard to do---to stop participating in another person's drama. But it is necessary for your own peace and for your niece and her friends to solve their own problems. </p><p></p><p>Another key I learned in alanon is not to force a crisis. Let things play out.</p><p></p><p>If this woman wants your niece out of her house she can take steps to make that happen. </p><p></p><p>It is not your responsibility to fix this no matter how much you care about these two people. It is theirs to fix. </p><p></p><p>We welcome you here and hope you will find the peace many of us have found through using this site and other tools.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 636759, member: 17542"] M---I am sorry about your niece. From her age, I would imagine your family has been at this all with her for years. And if her patterns are like my son's actions and behaviors, there has been a lot of drama for a long time. One of the healthy behaviors many of us have had to learn is to mind our own business. When I first heard that statement at an Alanon meeting I was taken aback. My son was my business! I'm his mother right? Wrong. Once someone is a grown adult, what they do is their business and their responsibility. This was very hard for me for a long time and sometimes it still is. In this case you are talking about, I think you have gotten good advice from the other posters here. It is hard to do---to stop participating in another person's drama. But it is necessary for your own peace and for your niece and her friends to solve their own problems. Another key I learned in alanon is not to force a crisis. Let things play out. If this woman wants your niece out of her house she can take steps to make that happen. It is not your responsibility to fix this no matter how much you care about these two people. It is theirs to fix. We welcome you here and hope you will find the peace many of us have found through using this site and other tools. [/QUOTE]
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