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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 621539" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I hate it when I think my difficult child is sad and defeated. I don't know why I hate it so much, but it is totally incapacitating to me. I am much better when I think he is stubborn but cheerful. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child sounds frustrated and discouraged. We all get that way. It is part of the human condition. If he doesn't learn how to manage those feelings and situations himself, then he will be doomed to forever quitting jobs/leaving girlfriends/leaving housing/moving/asking for help because he will have never learned to persevere or overcome. Just like our babies had to learn to self soothe and deal with a little frustration (remember "I want that NOW!") before they could go to first grade, so our adult kids have to learn to manage the hard periods. </p><p></p><p>What would you do if you were he? You would talk to the half way house about hours (most do make job exceptions), and if that avenue was closed, you would start looking for another job. YOu would discuss with your therapist, and with your loved ones but you wouldn'task your loved ones to BE the answer, only to be a sounding board.</p><p></p><p>Can you be that? be just the mirror, the sounding board? It sounds like you do engage with him quite a bit...maybe just stick with "that must be hard for you" "I see what you mean" "its hard having a job that is so far away" and "hmmmmm?"</p><p></p><p>I think Child posted a list of useful phrases for those conversations. </p><p></p><p>He has to stand on his own. You can be kind but not be the answer, or the counsellour.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Remember there are no good days without bad, if there were not darkness we would never see the stars, no mud, no lotus...all those are true and useful.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you, and keep posting.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 621539, member: 17269"] I hate it when I think my difficult child is sad and defeated. I don't know why I hate it so much, but it is totally incapacitating to me. I am much better when I think he is stubborn but cheerful. Your difficult child sounds frustrated and discouraged. We all get that way. It is part of the human condition. If he doesn't learn how to manage those feelings and situations himself, then he will be doomed to forever quitting jobs/leaving girlfriends/leaving housing/moving/asking for help because he will have never learned to persevere or overcome. Just like our babies had to learn to self soothe and deal with a little frustration (remember "I want that NOW!") before they could go to first grade, so our adult kids have to learn to manage the hard periods. What would you do if you were he? You would talk to the half way house about hours (most do make job exceptions), and if that avenue was closed, you would start looking for another job. YOu would discuss with your therapist, and with your loved ones but you wouldn'task your loved ones to BE the answer, only to be a sounding board. Can you be that? be just the mirror, the sounding board? It sounds like you do engage with him quite a bit...maybe just stick with "that must be hard for you" "I see what you mean" "its hard having a job that is so far away" and "hmmmmm?" I think Child posted a list of useful phrases for those conversations. He has to stand on his own. You can be kind but not be the answer, or the counsellour. I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Remember there are no good days without bad, if there were not darkness we would never see the stars, no mud, no lotus...all those are true and useful. Good luck to you, and keep posting. Echo [/QUOTE]
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