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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621547" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>COM...you are an amazing, articulate and very wise board member. I am so glad you are here. You inspire me and remind me. Even I didn't have the heart to say that I didn't think she should go with difficult child to get his services. But I didn't feel it was a good idea. He is big enough to go on his own. I was surprised at the therapist too. With HIPPA and him being 27, the only way OP can talk to him/her is if he signed a paper allowing it. I think therapy is private once people are adults and parents should not be involved nor add any input nor hear what difficult child said. Therapists by the way can be tricked too. I have seen therapists since my 20's and I'm 60 now. They are just as easily fooled as you and me. Some have very liberal leanings politically. I do too. But not when it comes to teaching grown children to stand on their own. That's where we part company. I've had a therapist tell me I had to trust my daughter more. Really????? She told me this too and I said, "I disagree. You have to earn my trust. Stealing, lying and sneaking around is not going to earn you any trust, no matter WHAT the therapist thinks. It's just his opinion." And it is.</p><p></p><p>My daughter, who used meth, did a lot of growing up because nobody was there to hold her hand. Her father worked full time and was not interested in enabling her drug use. I was in another state. Her brother, whom she lived with, was a hard nose toughie with no sympathy for her plight and with demands that she work even if she walked back and forth in the rain and snow, and she did. Anything Daughter did in Chicago, including getting clean, getting a job, going back to school, etc. was all her own and with some appropriate assistance from her SO. She did not have a car. There was no public trans where she lived. She walked to a Subway and back and that was how she had money. She was eventually moved up to Manager. She quit her drugs alone. She quit smoking cigarettes. She got her life together. She has her own life. She and SO have been together now for eleven years. She is pregnant and being very responsible and won't even take an aspirin. Trust me, before she did this, she was so thin and sickly looking I thought she was going to either end up in prison or die.</p><p></p><p>My daughter would tell all difficult children to man up and save themselves. She was going nowhere when she had our compassion, our housing, and our money.Our enabling. She would just "play" us...say she quit, but not really quit.</p><p></p><p>"Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." Then let them fly their own way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621547, member: 1550"] COM...you are an amazing, articulate and very wise board member. I am so glad you are here. You inspire me and remind me. Even I didn't have the heart to say that I didn't think she should go with difficult child to get his services. But I didn't feel it was a good idea. He is big enough to go on his own. I was surprised at the therapist too. With HIPPA and him being 27, the only way OP can talk to him/her is if he signed a paper allowing it. I think therapy is private once people are adults and parents should not be involved nor add any input nor hear what difficult child said. Therapists by the way can be tricked too. I have seen therapists since my 20's and I'm 60 now. They are just as easily fooled as you and me. Some have very liberal leanings politically. I do too. But not when it comes to teaching grown children to stand on their own. That's where we part company. I've had a therapist tell me I had to trust my daughter more. Really????? She told me this too and I said, "I disagree. You have to earn my trust. Stealing, lying and sneaking around is not going to earn you any trust, no matter WHAT the therapist thinks. It's just his opinion." And it is. My daughter, who used meth, did a lot of growing up because nobody was there to hold her hand. Her father worked full time and was not interested in enabling her drug use. I was in another state. Her brother, whom she lived with, was a hard nose toughie with no sympathy for her plight and with demands that she work even if she walked back and forth in the rain and snow, and she did. Anything Daughter did in Chicago, including getting clean, getting a job, going back to school, etc. was all her own and with some appropriate assistance from her SO. She did not have a car. There was no public trans where she lived. She walked to a Subway and back and that was how she had money. She was eventually moved up to Manager. She quit her drugs alone. She quit smoking cigarettes. She got her life together. She has her own life. She and SO have been together now for eleven years. She is pregnant and being very responsible and won't even take an aspirin. Trust me, before she did this, she was so thin and sickly looking I thought she was going to either end up in prison or die. My daughter would tell all difficult children to man up and save themselves. She was going nowhere when she had our compassion, our housing, and our money.Our enabling. She would just "play" us...say she quit, but not really quit. "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." Then let them fly their own way. [/QUOTE]
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