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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 668102" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>SeaGenie, I agree with everybody else. Nothing is your fault. </p><p></p><p>My son too has been at the point many times when he threatens suicide if I do not do this or that. While nobody knows what they will do, in 6 years of threats, he is still here.</p><p></p><p>As I see it the ball is one hundred percent in your son's court. There is nothing you can do. There is nothing, as I see it, that you can do. </p><p></p><p>This is exactly what they do when they want to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. The only way I have seen things change is to let them take responsibility for the consequences of their choices and acts, however hard it is for us.</p><p></p><p>My son has done the hanging up, too. And if I say I need to get off the phone he will say, "if you hang up on me I will never talk to you again." There is the need for 100 percent control. Over us. When they feel none in their own lives. </p><p></p><p>When I am my best self I say, I know you will do it. I know you will make the best choice. I know you can handle it. I love you.</p><p></p><p>And to myself I say: This is one day, one hour, of a life. Everything can change. There is hope. Try to find that place in yourself. Center yourself. He will handle himself. He is an adult. He deserves the respect to handle his own life. Mistakes are feedback to do it better. </p><p></p><p>Do not let him abuse you. Do whatever you need to do to get that to stop.</p><p></p><p>And then try to do something for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 668102, member: 18958"] SeaGenie, I agree with everybody else. Nothing is your fault. My son too has been at the point many times when he threatens suicide if I do not do this or that. While nobody knows what they will do, in 6 years of threats, he is still here. As I see it the ball is one hundred percent in your son's court. There is nothing you can do. There is nothing, as I see it, that you can do. This is exactly what they do when they want to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. The only way I have seen things change is to let them take responsibility for the consequences of their choices and acts, however hard it is for us. My son has done the hanging up, too. And if I say I need to get off the phone he will say, "if you hang up on me I will never talk to you again." There is the need for 100 percent control. Over us. When they feel none in their own lives. When I am my best self I say, I know you will do it. I know you will make the best choice. I know you can handle it. I love you. And to myself I say: This is one day, one hour, of a life. Everything can change. There is hope. Try to find that place in yourself. Center yourself. He will handle himself. He is an adult. He deserves the respect to handle his own life. Mistakes are feedback to do it better. Do not let him abuse you. Do whatever you need to do to get that to stop. And then try to do something for you. [/QUOTE]
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