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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 668230" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi SeaGenie, I am so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. </p><p></p><p>At times I am swallowed up by the exasperation as well. It is all consuming. </p><p></p><p>I find the detachment article really, really helpful. I have read it several times. </p><p></p><p>It is understandable why you are having such a difficult time letting go. You have been the dynamic duo. </p><p></p><p>As mothers, we have let go numerous times in our lives. We give birth, the cord is cut- a letting go. We feed, bathe, soothe, nourish and nurture our babies. In this we let go a part of ourselves to assume the role as caregiver, protector, mother. Our babies grow and learn to take their first steps- we let go to encourage them to walk. They fell, they got up. They learned how to feed themselves, to take care of themselves. There are so many milestones in our children's lives. We have brought them up as best we can to be respectful, responsible adults. </p><p></p><p>We could not possibly be there 24-7 as our children grew up to protect them from harm and guide them. They had to learn to be self reliant, self directed.</p><p></p><p>Our children grow towards independence and we are supposed to help them achieve that. </p><p> </p><p>What if our adult children are headed towards certain doom? Can we reach out and help them? Of course, if they appreciate the help. </p><p></p><p>Our case is different here, there is no appreciation, no mutual respect. </p><p></p><p>Smoking pot, bringing friends over when we are working, refusing to pay rent, getting arrested, saying dreadful, hurtful things-way over the line. It would be self deprecating and foolish to allow that under our roof. </p><p></p><p>We all have to process this in our own way and time frame.</p><p></p><p> I do hope that you find relief from your grief, guilt, self blaming and catastrophic mother thoughts. Believe me I have been there, done that and still back slide. The mutant mothering gene is strong.</p><p></p><p>You deserve peace of mind. It's your birth month (I celebrate for a month cause I'm older, one day is not enough! You are going to the beach woman! Breathe in the fresh salt air!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 668230, member: 19522"] Hi SeaGenie, I am so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. At times I am swallowed up by the exasperation as well. It is all consuming. I find the detachment article really, really helpful. I have read it several times. It is understandable why you are having such a difficult time letting go. You have been the dynamic duo. As mothers, we have let go numerous times in our lives. We give birth, the cord is cut- a letting go. We feed, bathe, soothe, nourish and nurture our babies. In this we let go a part of ourselves to assume the role as caregiver, protector, mother. Our babies grow and learn to take their first steps- we let go to encourage them to walk. They fell, they got up. They learned how to feed themselves, to take care of themselves. There are so many milestones in our children's lives. We have brought them up as best we can to be respectful, responsible adults. We could not possibly be there 24-7 as our children grew up to protect them from harm and guide them. They had to learn to be self reliant, self directed. Our children grow towards independence and we are supposed to help them achieve that. What if our adult children are headed towards certain doom? Can we reach out and help them? Of course, if they appreciate the help. Our case is different here, there is no appreciation, no mutual respect. Smoking pot, bringing friends over when we are working, refusing to pay rent, getting arrested, saying dreadful, hurtful things-way over the line. It would be self deprecating and foolish to allow that under our roof. We all have to process this in our own way and time frame. I do hope that you find relief from your grief, guilt, self blaming and catastrophic mother thoughts. Believe me I have been there, done that and still back slide. The mutant mothering gene is strong. You deserve peace of mind. It's your birth month (I celebrate for a month cause I'm older, one day is not enough! You are going to the beach woman! Breathe in the fresh salt air! [/QUOTE]
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