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General Parenting
Need expert warrior parent opinions on possible diagnosis, odd situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 372229" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>I understand your desire to help, but seriously, if you acquire this "child" at the age of 40, there's going to be darn little you can do to change him, so I would start working on boundaries now, so its not a surprise down the road when you won't be his caretaker.</p><p>***</p><p>It does sound like there are some issues, but with enabler mother, and years and years of this behavior, there's likely nothing you can do except protect yourself.</p><p>***</p><p>I know that sounds harsh.</p><p>***</p><p>If it were me, I would do the research and see if you can come up with some possible avenues to help both enabler mother and the man. Give them the info, and let them know you're out of the picture unless/until they both seek help, and plant the seeds that you are not going to be the next enabler.</p><p>***</p><p>It hoovers when it comes to this, because its hard and its a no-win situation. I'm in it, to a degree, with cgfg. She could be helped, if someone would do it. But as the stepparent in the picture and literally the only adult in her world that worries about the fact that the girl can't read or function anywhere close to grade level, I don't have the position to do anything, so I have to just let it go. I have already begun stating that I will not pay for college or support her beyond 18 (our state offers the first 2 years of college paid for if you meet minimal attendance and grade requirements, which, the past 2 years, cgfg has not). I hate it, but there's no workable alternative.</p><p>***</p><p>hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 372229, member: 1848"] I understand your desire to help, but seriously, if you acquire this "child" at the age of 40, there's going to be darn little you can do to change him, so I would start working on boundaries now, so its not a surprise down the road when you won't be his caretaker. *** It does sound like there are some issues, but with enabler mother, and years and years of this behavior, there's likely nothing you can do except protect yourself. *** I know that sounds harsh. *** If it were me, I would do the research and see if you can come up with some possible avenues to help both enabler mother and the man. Give them the info, and let them know you're out of the picture unless/until they both seek help, and plant the seeds that you are not going to be the next enabler. *** It hoovers when it comes to this, because its hard and its a no-win situation. I'm in it, to a degree, with cgfg. She could be helped, if someone would do it. But as the stepparent in the picture and literally the only adult in her world that worries about the fact that the girl can't read or function anywhere close to grade level, I don't have the position to do anything, so I have to just let it go. I have already begun stating that I will not pay for college or support her beyond 18 (our state offers the first 2 years of college paid for if you meet minimal attendance and grade requirements, which, the past 2 years, cgfg has not). I hate it, but there's no workable alternative. *** hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Need expert warrior parent opinions on possible diagnosis, odd situation
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