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General Parenting
Need expert warrior parent opinions on possible diagnosis, odd situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 372239" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Shari-</p><p> </p><p>That all makes such complete sense and is the most sane and reasonable course of action. I have worries though, perhaps you could shed light on them for me.</p><p> </p><p>We would love love love to have that talk and plan to. The problem is that the denial, enabling and rationalizations are so ridiculously thick and I don't know how to talk reasonably to completely confused people who see no reason.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/whiteflag.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":whiteflag:" title="whiteflag :whiteflag:" data-shortname=":whiteflag:" /></p><p> </p><p>Knowing these people as I do I can predict with almost 100% certainty what their arguments will be, they will be many.</p><p> </p><p>1. "Don't wory about it, it isn't your problem or business." Okay, that is perfect as long as I can get it in writing and can expect it to stay that way. No take backs no do overs. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>2. "Whats the big deal, he's getting to it?" Problem is he has been getting to it for years...</p><p> </p><p>3. "As soon as he gets over imaginary health reason number 76 he will get a job." lol</p><p> </p><p>ect ect ect</p><p> </p><p>My biggest obstacle is the fact that they have no concept of the passage of time. I see the chief enabler aging a little, but she has plenty of years left in her. Neither of them has any awareness of what comes next or down the road. There is no sense of urgency because it will be fine later, no rush so to speak.</p><p> </p><p>My next biggest obstacle is complete and utter denial. The entire extended family just ignores the problem, never talks about it and for sure never brings it up to the actual person. It's taboo?!?!?!? So, when we rock the gentle waters of denial with a storm of reality we will most asuredly be met with open contempt and be looked at as the bad guys. We will face anger for calling the duck a duck. Mr. Duck has such a moody nature that people find it easier to ignore the problem rather than face him.</p><p> </p><p>Lastly, due to the denial the offering of help or the sheer audacity to point fingers (no matter how well pointed) will be taken as very insulting. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/sick.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sick:" title="sick :sick:" data-shortname=":sick:" /> I never realized what a mess these people are until I typed it all. All along I was feeling bad for being frustrtaed as if I am the uncivilized one. I am so darn tired of biting my tongue.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Oh, before you mention a healthy personal boundary forget about it. I married into this family who all live on one farm within shouting distance of one another. Our home is still under mortgage and was built on "family ground" (to sell would mean either divorce first or permanent banishment that would emotionally cripple my husband). That means for better or worse I am married to this nightmare and cannot get real space. </p><p> </p><p>I feel like the part of a cartoon where daffy duck does the bouncing off the walls and coo coo sound.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/laugh.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":laugh:" title="laugh :laugh:" data-shortname=":laugh:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 372239, member: 8617"] Shari- That all makes such complete sense and is the most sane and reasonable course of action. I have worries though, perhaps you could shed light on them for me. We would love love love to have that talk and plan to. The problem is that the denial, enabling and rationalizations are so ridiculously thick and I don't know how to talk reasonably to completely confused people who see no reason.:whiteflag: Knowing these people as I do I can predict with almost 100% certainty what their arguments will be, they will be many. 1. "Don't wory about it, it isn't your problem or business." Okay, that is perfect as long as I can get it in writing and can expect it to stay that way. No take backs no do overs. :winking: 2. "Whats the big deal, he's getting to it?" Problem is he has been getting to it for years... 3. "As soon as he gets over imaginary health reason number 76 he will get a job." lol ect ect ect My biggest obstacle is the fact that they have no concept of the passage of time. I see the chief enabler aging a little, but she has plenty of years left in her. Neither of them has any awareness of what comes next or down the road. There is no sense of urgency because it will be fine later, no rush so to speak. My next biggest obstacle is complete and utter denial. The entire extended family just ignores the problem, never talks about it and for sure never brings it up to the actual person. It's taboo?!?!?!? So, when we rock the gentle waters of denial with a storm of reality we will most asuredly be met with open contempt and be looked at as the bad guys. We will face anger for calling the duck a duck. Mr. Duck has such a moody nature that people find it easier to ignore the problem rather than face him. Lastly, due to the denial the offering of help or the sheer audacity to point fingers (no matter how well pointed) will be taken as very insulting. :sick: I never realized what a mess these people are until I typed it all. All along I was feeling bad for being frustrtaed as if I am the uncivilized one. I am so darn tired of biting my tongue. Oh, before you mention a healthy personal boundary forget about it. I married into this family who all live on one farm within shouting distance of one another. Our home is still under mortgage and was built on "family ground" (to sell would mean either divorce first or permanent banishment that would emotionally cripple my husband). That means for better or worse I am married to this nightmare and cannot get real space. I feel like the part of a cartoon where daffy duck does the bouncing off the walls and coo coo sound.:funny: [/QUOTE]
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