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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 181807" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Devil's Advocate here. (It always helps to try to think the way the 'other people' are thinking).</p><p>I know you think she's lying but "The Bat" may either not know the true situation, or be misinformed. In fact, I think it's highly likely. She's got difficult child living with her and probably he's desperately lying to her to 'explain' the various problems and situations. The damage to the school - well, accidents happen in science class sometimes, don't they? Or maybe it was some other kid, whose parents are highly placed in a corrupt political system and so they blamed it all on poor little difficult child. Or whatever he's telling them. Maybe he admits to getting up to mischief, but he's probably saying who can blame him with the abuse he's copped from his neglectful parents over the years, who have already been repeatedly investigated by the authorities, blah blah blah.</p><p>People on this site talk about the 'honeymoon' period, where a child placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster care seems to be a perfect angel, and the foster parents begin to view the child's parents with increasing suspicion.</p><p></p><p>So take this likelihood, add in to it that "the Bat" is not licensed or experienced (and hence has not previously been burnt enough to know when she's being fattened for the kill by a manipulative kid) and you have someone who is likely to be critical of you to the point of being judgemental and bad-mouthing. At the same time she's trying to 'make it up to' the boy by giving him privileges and TLC.</p><p></p><p>Why didn't she take him to the doctor? Maybe, with all her faults, she's quite good at working out what is wrong and how to treat him. I must admit, even though we have a good health system here in Australia which wouldn't leave us out of pocket much, if at all, if I took a kid to the doctor, if I thought it was just a bit of colic or indigestion I would adopt a 'wait and see' attitude. And someone like that is also likely to "know better" about his medications, too, and be trying their own experiments "he doesn't really need all those nasty chemicals".</p><p></p><p>"The Bat" may have been misinformed by authorities, too. It's easy to happen. Someone picks up the wrong file or recollects a different case... And even professionals make big mistakes in who they talk to and what they say. Loose talk can do a lot of damage. Add in here what I've already mentioned - the likelihood of a difficult child pouring his own "poor me" and misinformation to the mix, and it's no wonder that "The Bat" has got the wrong end of the stick.</p><p></p><p>As for "the Bat" telling you that your rights have been terminated - if this is a conscious lie, what does she hope to gain? A few hours' distress to you is not worth making you angry and getting your attorneys riled up, not when YOU know it's not true and you will soon clarify the situation. No, if she knew your rights hadn't been terminated and really wanted to stick the knife in to you, she is more likely to have said to you, "Your rights as parents are likely to be investigated, you will have to prove yourselves as fit parents before you get him back," or something not quite so closed-door or specific.</p><p></p><p>As you said, your attorney and social worker will be hearing about it. Her defence is likely to be, "I spoke the truth, as far as I knew it. I can't help if I'm given the wrong information, I can only act on the information I'm given," and nothing more will be done. No action taken.</p><p></p><p>As for how she got him placed with her, despite not being officially licensed - she either knows someone (or vice versa) or they're really desperate. Or is she someone difficult child knows and who he requested? If she is someone they know for other reasons, it could also explain the misinformation - someone talking out of turn and getting it all wrong.</p><p></p><p>I think you would be entitled to ask for an apology for the concern it's caused you as well as the distress. I doubt you'll get one, though.</p><p></p><p>Instead, I'd be focussing for now on what difficult child needs from here, and what will be happening with him.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 181807, member: 1991"] Devil's Advocate here. (It always helps to try to think the way the 'other people' are thinking). I know you think she's lying but "The Bat" may either not know the true situation, or be misinformed. In fact, I think it's highly likely. She's got difficult child living with her and probably he's desperately lying to her to 'explain' the various problems and situations. The damage to the school - well, accidents happen in science class sometimes, don't they? Or maybe it was some other kid, whose parents are highly placed in a corrupt political system and so they blamed it all on poor little difficult child. Or whatever he's telling them. Maybe he admits to getting up to mischief, but he's probably saying who can blame him with the abuse he's copped from his neglectful parents over the years, who have already been repeatedly investigated by the authorities, blah blah blah. People on this site talk about the 'honeymoon' period, where a child placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster care seems to be a perfect angel, and the foster parents begin to view the child's parents with increasing suspicion. So take this likelihood, add in to it that "the Bat" is not licensed or experienced (and hence has not previously been burnt enough to know when she's being fattened for the kill by a manipulative kid) and you have someone who is likely to be critical of you to the point of being judgemental and bad-mouthing. At the same time she's trying to 'make it up to' the boy by giving him privileges and TLC. Why didn't she take him to the doctor? Maybe, with all her faults, she's quite good at working out what is wrong and how to treat him. I must admit, even though we have a good health system here in Australia which wouldn't leave us out of pocket much, if at all, if I took a kid to the doctor, if I thought it was just a bit of colic or indigestion I would adopt a 'wait and see' attitude. And someone like that is also likely to "know better" about his medications, too, and be trying their own experiments "he doesn't really need all those nasty chemicals". "The Bat" may have been misinformed by authorities, too. It's easy to happen. Someone picks up the wrong file or recollects a different case... And even professionals make big mistakes in who they talk to and what they say. Loose talk can do a lot of damage. Add in here what I've already mentioned - the likelihood of a difficult child pouring his own "poor me" and misinformation to the mix, and it's no wonder that "The Bat" has got the wrong end of the stick. As for "the Bat" telling you that your rights have been terminated - if this is a conscious lie, what does she hope to gain? A few hours' distress to you is not worth making you angry and getting your attorneys riled up, not when YOU know it's not true and you will soon clarify the situation. No, if she knew your rights hadn't been terminated and really wanted to stick the knife in to you, she is more likely to have said to you, "Your rights as parents are likely to be investigated, you will have to prove yourselves as fit parents before you get him back," or something not quite so closed-door or specific. As you said, your attorney and social worker will be hearing about it. Her defence is likely to be, "I spoke the truth, as far as I knew it. I can't help if I'm given the wrong information, I can only act on the information I'm given," and nothing more will be done. No action taken. As for how she got him placed with her, despite not being officially licensed - she either knows someone (or vice versa) or they're really desperate. Or is she someone difficult child knows and who he requested? If she is someone they know for other reasons, it could also explain the misinformation - someone talking out of turn and getting it all wrong. I think you would be entitled to ask for an apology for the concern it's caused you as well as the distress. I doubt you'll get one, though. Instead, I'd be focussing for now on what difficult child needs from here, and what will be happening with him. Marg [/QUOTE]
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