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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 182241" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think you misunderstood me. I was not trying to say that you ARE neglectful etc, just that from the vibes I get about your son, it's highly likely that that is what HE is saying about you. He's a rat in a corner, desperate for whatever he can milk out of the situation. And if he is convincing enough, even all those resolved visits by social services might not be enough to convince a third party ("J", for example), who only hears your son's point of view. As you just said, "she is going completely off of what a 15 yo kid is telling her" and I agree, "way overstepping her bounds and enabling his manipulation".</p><p></p><p>We're all too much in the same boat here, for me to have jumped in to attack you. I'm sorry if you thought I was - we just don't work that way here.</p><p></p><p>I really don't mind whether we refer to her as "The Bat" or "J". But "J" is shorter and easier to type! Actually, apart from the length of it, I quite liked "The Bat" as a label. It was very descriptive without being too offensive. Don't mind me - I'm a stickler for putting things in quote marks. Just a tad Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), myself. At least where spelling and punctuation are concerned...</p><p></p><p>To summarise what I was trying to say - it can sometimes help to get inside someone else's head, however briefly, because that can sometimes help you know what to expect them to do next. That doesn't mean you have to think they're lovely people - often they're not. </p><p></p><p>If she really believes your son is a hard-done-by kid who is sadly misunderstood, it MAY explain a lot but of course doesn't excuse it. If as you say she is unqualified and a short-term stopover only because your son requested her (and from what you say, it sure does sound like she manipulated him into requesting her) then she is more likely to be unpredictable in her next move. Tricky.</p><p></p><p>So after being a real PITA for you to the extent that you have resorted to these steps, he's been placed with someone who hasn't been properly checked out (again, maybe because he was vehement in requesting her) who is 'rewarding' him with little controls, making parental decisions beyond her jurisdiction (such as allowing him to learn to drive), interfering with his medical regime (including not getting his medical care dealt with appropriately as well as not supervising DOCTOR-PRESCRIBED medication).</p><p></p><p>I do find it interesting that you left message after message about what the SW probably dismissed as the usual hassles with parents - "nobody is good enough to look after my little boy" - but as soon as you mentioned what I agree is a BIG problem (either breach of confidentiality by department followed by this being told to you by "J", or "J" lying to you, or both) then you got a FAST response. Someone either has a guilty conscience or communication with this mob simply shuts down until things reach crisis point. </p><p></p><p>I'm really concerned about his medications. I know you are too, I suspect it's high on your priority list to clarify? Maybe if you can press the point that YOU didn't prescribe these medications, a doctor did. And probably not just any doctor, but someone who specialises in exactly this kind of problem.</p><p>To accidentally miss a couple of medications under the circumstances he is in - maybe once is understandable, but not good. But any more - neglectful. However, to miss more than that goes way beyond neglectful, I think. I believe it borders on arrogance on "J"'s part, to assume she knows better than the specialist. The words "deliberately damaging" come to mind. Interference. Meddling. Divisive. Undermining. Confusing.</p><p></p><p>So, once inside her head, what do we think she is going to do next?</p><p>I suspect she is going to backpedal, fast. If they approach her with "benefit of the doubt" which I suspect they will (they need more people prepared to foster, and maybe they think she is worth cultivating) then this will give her plenty of wiggle room to say either, "I was misled by someone in the office" or "I never said it, she's lying," or "Ooops. But she made me so angry, that poor boy..." etc. The thing is, I strongly suspect she will weasel out of it all, even though when we look at it and add it all up, it really amounts to a very unpleasant whole. And who knows? They may decide, "J's not going to have him much longer anyway, let's just leave it."</p><p></p><p>If, on the other hand, her next move is going to be to apply to keep him longer (the mad fool) then I strongly suspect her next move will be to throw up her hands in horror when the honeymoon period ends and she discovers truths, bit by bit. I'd be concerned if the services would allow her to keep him longer, given your concerns and now these obvious problems - but I suspect she will be able to talk her way out of any problems, unfortunately. That is when you'd need your attorney putting in the boot.</p><p></p><p>If they do drop it, you might have some success getting your attorney to keep pursuing. But be guided by his advice - you sound like you have even bigger fish to fry, and this (bad as it is) may be too much of a distraction for you from the main issue - what is to be done with your son?</p><p></p><p>Also important in all this - you sound very stressed, very tired. Do make sure you are doing the best you can to look after yourself. You're going to need all the strength you can get.</p><p>And what could that be doing to his management? I shudder to think.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. I know it feels like you're at the end of your rope, but hang in there as best you can.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 182241, member: 1991"] I think you misunderstood me. I was not trying to say that you ARE neglectful etc, just that from the vibes I get about your son, it's highly likely that that is what HE is saying about you. He's a rat in a corner, desperate for whatever he can milk out of the situation. And if he is convincing enough, even all those resolved visits by social services might not be enough to convince a third party ("J", for example), who only hears your son's point of view. As you just said, "she is going completely off of what a 15 yo kid is telling her" and I agree, "way overstepping her bounds and enabling his manipulation". We're all too much in the same boat here, for me to have jumped in to attack you. I'm sorry if you thought I was - we just don't work that way here. I really don't mind whether we refer to her as "The Bat" or "J". But "J" is shorter and easier to type! Actually, apart from the length of it, I quite liked "The Bat" as a label. It was very descriptive without being too offensive. Don't mind me - I'm a stickler for putting things in quote marks. Just a tad Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), myself. At least where spelling and punctuation are concerned... To summarise what I was trying to say - it can sometimes help to get inside someone else's head, however briefly, because that can sometimes help you know what to expect them to do next. That doesn't mean you have to think they're lovely people - often they're not. If she really believes your son is a hard-done-by kid who is sadly misunderstood, it MAY explain a lot but of course doesn't excuse it. If as you say she is unqualified and a short-term stopover only because your son requested her (and from what you say, it sure does sound like she manipulated him into requesting her) then she is more likely to be unpredictable in her next move. Tricky. So after being a real PITA for you to the extent that you have resorted to these steps, he's been placed with someone who hasn't been properly checked out (again, maybe because he was vehement in requesting her) who is 'rewarding' him with little controls, making parental decisions beyond her jurisdiction (such as allowing him to learn to drive), interfering with his medical regime (including not getting his medical care dealt with appropriately as well as not supervising DOCTOR-PRESCRIBED medication). I do find it interesting that you left message after message about what the SW probably dismissed as the usual hassles with parents - "nobody is good enough to look after my little boy" - but as soon as you mentioned what I agree is a BIG problem (either breach of confidentiality by department followed by this being told to you by "J", or "J" lying to you, or both) then you got a FAST response. Someone either has a guilty conscience or communication with this mob simply shuts down until things reach crisis point. I'm really concerned about his medications. I know you are too, I suspect it's high on your priority list to clarify? Maybe if you can press the point that YOU didn't prescribe these medications, a doctor did. And probably not just any doctor, but someone who specialises in exactly this kind of problem. To accidentally miss a couple of medications under the circumstances he is in - maybe once is understandable, but not good. But any more - neglectful. However, to miss more than that goes way beyond neglectful, I think. I believe it borders on arrogance on "J"'s part, to assume she knows better than the specialist. The words "deliberately damaging" come to mind. Interference. Meddling. Divisive. Undermining. Confusing. So, once inside her head, what do we think she is going to do next? I suspect she is going to backpedal, fast. If they approach her with "benefit of the doubt" which I suspect they will (they need more people prepared to foster, and maybe they think she is worth cultivating) then this will give her plenty of wiggle room to say either, "I was misled by someone in the office" or "I never said it, she's lying," or "Ooops. But she made me so angry, that poor boy..." etc. The thing is, I strongly suspect she will weasel out of it all, even though when we look at it and add it all up, it really amounts to a very unpleasant whole. And who knows? They may decide, "J's not going to have him much longer anyway, let's just leave it." If, on the other hand, her next move is going to be to apply to keep him longer (the mad fool) then I strongly suspect her next move will be to throw up her hands in horror when the honeymoon period ends and she discovers truths, bit by bit. I'd be concerned if the services would allow her to keep him longer, given your concerns and now these obvious problems - but I suspect she will be able to talk her way out of any problems, unfortunately. That is when you'd need your attorney putting in the boot. If they do drop it, you might have some success getting your attorney to keep pursuing. But be guided by his advice - you sound like you have even bigger fish to fry, and this (bad as it is) may be too much of a distraction for you from the main issue - what is to be done with your son? Also important in all this - you sound very stressed, very tired. Do make sure you are doing the best you can to look after yourself. You're going to need all the strength you can get. And what could that be doing to his management? I shudder to think. Hang in there. I know it feels like you're at the end of your rope, but hang in there as best you can. Hugs Marg [/QUOTE]
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