I have been trying to fight the depression, anger, frustration and negativity about the current situation with my difficult child and the legal issues. I'm trying to think through the options that I might could pursue so that maybe I don't make a decision that leaves one or both of us worse off. I find that I am playing "devil's advocate" with myself a lot, so I'm asking for any suggestions anyone might have and it would be great if anyone can let me know positives/negatives about these things, that I have overlooked or am not aware of. Although I don't have a clue how I can make this work financially, I honestly did, and do, think it was in my difficult child's best interest right now to not be in detention long term and to be able to continue treatment. So, I had to encourage the defense attny to ask for that. Well, now I'm at a point that without major changes, I can either take him to treatment or I can pay for treatment (ie- health insurance), but I can't do both. We have no family or close friends here who can step in and help. I don't think I am ready to relinquish custody to social services or my bro. because I honestly believe that would cause many more problems than it solved. On top of that, he will have probation- which means I have to take off work to take him to the PO every 2 weeks because she isn't one that will work past 4:30. It might even be more often now due to this year's stuff. So - here is what I have tried to consider so far- 1) Bankruptcy- would this solve things long term? Would the debt from this previous year be paid for and I be able to keep the house and still not have to work full time? 2) Selling house- well, that isn't feasible if I stay in this area because it would take a lot to get it in order to sell it (financially and more time off work), then rent around here cost as much as a house payment. So, unless it is going along with some other change, there is no point in doing it. If moving out of the area solves other problems, then this selling has to happen. 3) Refinancing. I might look into this, but I would have to handle that carefully with the bank so they don't panic over my situation..but, I still would have to cover all expenses then. 4) Try to find a better paying job here. Ok, I would still have to work by the hour because I won't be able to work full time as long as difficult child needs to go to a therapist once a week and I can't find one that won't do evenings and as long as PO is in picture. (It isn't just the time for appts.- she makes issue any time difficult child is left alone and I'm not home from work yet- never mind that non of his illegal activities happened during these times) So, it better have a real good hourly rate and be very flexible with hours. Now, what are the odds of that? 5) Get difficult child on medicaid and just tell the gal point blank- I can no longer afford insurance on him. I've spent my money paying restitution (and still owe) for him, attny's for custody (which she indirectly helped instigate), defense attny for difficult child, loss of pay from not working full time, paying the amount of house payments for medication insurance once employer quit paying it because I wasn't working full time, so I HAVE NONE LEFT. Then, we will have to go to the one place that I despise for treatment- they are not professionally competent and lose files and you can't have any appointment with them that doesn't end up taking at least 4 hours of my time. So, still I want to try to find out if there is any other place I could take difficult child for treatment if I get him on medicaid. We really don't have much available here in terms of mental health treatment. 6) I have to get back to work full time soon (which means either breaking a court order or going back to the judge- then the judge and GAL would be looking at placement of difficult child outside of home or commtting him to state now)- unless I can make #3, 4. &5 above work out- and soon. Or, unless I can find a different jurisdiction to live in where the various circumstances are different. 7) difficult child's legal order- I am so worried about this I can't think. There is no way he can live up to it and the PO is not one to let even the slightest thing go. My goal is for the next year is for him not to break a law and not to get in big trouble at school and pass his classes. Now, the judge has ordered that he can't break any rule at school or home or be tardy to school. Well, given our sd's policy, I thought difficult child did great last year to only get a few write-ups. Even the principal was happy about it. Now, that isn't good enough anymore. I had already checked with the principal to see if they would help get difficult child in a partial psychiatric hospital program (after his acute stay in April). The principal said she couldn't recommend it because difficult child had improved so much in mainstream. So, I can see already that they want him to stay there- but they aren't going to adjust their policies to the judges order. And I don't expect them to. I'm not going to drop my rules at home either. But he will do things wrong sometimes that even easy child's will do that I think can be handled at home or school and don't warrant being committed to the state Department of Juvenile Justice. If this were a reasonable PO, I would discuss this with her. But I don't think she is reasonable at all. If I leave a few mins early to get to an appointment on time, she says why are you claiming this takes so long. If I leave for it without a min. to spare, she's like well, you better watch it, you could be late. (If she were family- I would call her toxic) If she were more reasonable, I wouldn't have had to testify in Jan about therapy. difficult child was on probation 2 years ago for about 6 mos- that lady was reasonable. She stayed late peridically so I didn't have to miss work and she didn't treat me like I was the one who broke the law. So, the concern is what will happen to difficult child when he gets written up for school or is tardy or ticks me off at home? Will the judge stick to the suspended sentence? (She did not stick to the one she gave him last year.) If he got into big trouble again, I can see sending him to the original detention type program that she wanted to get him into but couldn't because he was under 14 yo. The therapist told me she could order him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), however, I think therapist is wrong. Mainly because the judge or gal has ever even mentioned this. The gal had social services look into it, but they couldn't find one that difficult child could get into. My quick glance through various web links leads me to think that there a only a few Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s in VA and that there are only a couple that a kid can be put into by legal authorites (instead of soc. services) and that is when the kid is in state custody. But, I dare say that it is a miniscule percentage of those turned over to state Department of Juvenile Justice that go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). And, these Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s are apparently only about 6 weeks or less long. I have to try to find an answer here. Is there a state we can move to where gffg's on medicaid have access to good, qualified psychiatrists and tdocs? Where I can get a job that pays the bills and I can afford to keep us in a home? Where the legal authorities are a little more practical and have realistic expectations of the difficult child (I can see the requirement to not break the law, add a curfew, things like that)? Where there are more options if/when a difficult child gets into trouble- like Residential Treatment Center (RTC) availability without the parent giving up parental rights? How do I find these answers? Are there any other options that I have overlooked? (Besides sharing a home- I don't think we could handle it for more than a week or two) Sorry so long- Bless you if you made it this far !