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Need Help with a 14 Year Old who lacks Empathy/Possible Anti Social Personality/ODD !
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<blockquote data-quote="had_enough" data-source="post: 603786" data-attributes="member: 16733"><p>Hi Dear,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sory to hear about what you'v been through.</p><p>If I may, I would also ecourage a research about narcisism.</p><p>I am nobody, so I cannot suggest that your son is a narcissist or an aspie.</p><p>I can only tell you my experience, being a mom of 2 boys</p><p>one of 13 diagnosed with mild adhd</p><p>and one of 11 diagnosed with aspergers</p><p>it is my 13 year old that seems to be a twin of your 14 year old troubled son.</p><p>I would also keep in mind that they afterall are still kids </p><p>and still have a chance to improve something.</p><p>My 13 year old has very strong narcissistic feature</p><p>he is extremely manipulative, doesn't feel at all that his behaviour can hurt people around him,</p><p>when he decides to criticise someone he does it in a horrible distructive way</p><p>when someone makes him apologise you can see he doesn't really feel it.</p><p>He also reputes himself an extremely unfortunate person, so his whining and his tantrums make a sort of a wafer with which we (his family) have somehow learnt to cope with.</p><p>I strongly feel that his brother (an aspie) has far more empathy than him and is, at last at times, able to really! apologise.</p><p>This, because he accepted that he has a problem and accepted the fact that he has to create all these bypasses in order to have a better relationship with his friends, classmates and also with his family. A narcissist doesn't feel the need to change even when the evidence of such need is in front of his eyes. That's why coulcelors give up on them.</p><p>The fact that your son wouldn't reveal his true self even to the councelor is a tipical narcissistic sign, most of them even try to seduce theese figures in order to maintain the idea they have of themselves, my son said to his councelor that in family we treat him as a slave and that he has to endure endlesse attacs from his hanicaped brother. Fortunately the councelor was an expert and proposed to my son to live away from home in a comunity for abused children...it was only then that my son realized how far his endless manipulations could take him and started to fell the need to change.</p><p>I would also exlude that yous son is an aspie because he does well in a team sport, my aspie son cannot cope with the team pressure and is also incapable of a consistent social conversation, basicly he cannot do the normal talk like 'hay mate, how are you.. what hou've been up to etc...he appears to be ackward and repetitive. Most kids get fed up with him for it, so he has only few real mates and would never be able to pass for a 'normal kid' in a ball team.</p><p>Yet, at times I feel that my apsie son might have a better chance to have a happy fulfilling life than my other 'apparently normal' son, who would rather die than admit that he is everthing but perfect. He wears a mask 95% of his day, when he puts it away for some microseconds we are there for him and he somehow feels it. The onnly thing that I have learnt over the year is to stop talking when they don't listen and to open the umbrella whe the **** hits the fan. </p><p>ps: sorry to rub it in, but I think that part of the problem are also the fathers who are so so nice to the world and so incapable of disciplining theese boys in true need of guidance. Are we (moms) supposed to guide theese teen boys? I think if we try it's only worse..</p><p></p><p>a huge hug from Italy</p><p>let us know how it's going</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="had_enough, post: 603786, member: 16733"] Hi Dear, I'm so sory to hear about what you'v been through. If I may, I would also ecourage a research about narcisism. I am nobody, so I cannot suggest that your son is a narcissist or an aspie. I can only tell you my experience, being a mom of 2 boys one of 13 diagnosed with mild adhd and one of 11 diagnosed with aspergers it is my 13 year old that seems to be a twin of your 14 year old troubled son. I would also keep in mind that they afterall are still kids and still have a chance to improve something. My 13 year old has very strong narcissistic feature he is extremely manipulative, doesn't feel at all that his behaviour can hurt people around him, when he decides to criticise someone he does it in a horrible distructive way when someone makes him apologise you can see he doesn't really feel it. He also reputes himself an extremely unfortunate person, so his whining and his tantrums make a sort of a wafer with which we (his family) have somehow learnt to cope with. I strongly feel that his brother (an aspie) has far more empathy than him and is, at last at times, able to really! apologise. This, because he accepted that he has a problem and accepted the fact that he has to create all these bypasses in order to have a better relationship with his friends, classmates and also with his family. A narcissist doesn't feel the need to change even when the evidence of such need is in front of his eyes. That's why coulcelors give up on them. The fact that your son wouldn't reveal his true self even to the councelor is a tipical narcissistic sign, most of them even try to seduce theese figures in order to maintain the idea they have of themselves, my son said to his councelor that in family we treat him as a slave and that he has to endure endlesse attacs from his hanicaped brother. Fortunately the councelor was an expert and proposed to my son to live away from home in a comunity for abused children...it was only then that my son realized how far his endless manipulations could take him and started to fell the need to change. I would also exlude that yous son is an aspie because he does well in a team sport, my aspie son cannot cope with the team pressure and is also incapable of a consistent social conversation, basicly he cannot do the normal talk like 'hay mate, how are you.. what hou've been up to etc...he appears to be ackward and repetitive. Most kids get fed up with him for it, so he has only few real mates and would never be able to pass for a 'normal kid' in a ball team. Yet, at times I feel that my apsie son might have a better chance to have a happy fulfilling life than my other 'apparently normal' son, who would rather die than admit that he is everthing but perfect. He wears a mask 95% of his day, when he puts it away for some microseconds we are there for him and he somehow feels it. The onnly thing that I have learnt over the year is to stop talking when they don't listen and to open the umbrella whe the **** hits the fan. ps: sorry to rub it in, but I think that part of the problem are also the fathers who are so so nice to the world and so incapable of disciplining theese boys in true need of guidance. Are we (moms) supposed to guide theese teen boys? I think if we try it's only worse.. a huge hug from Italy let us know how it's going [/QUOTE]
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